Sunday, June 26, 2005

Too muggy to blog

Ok, it's hot and sticky and I'm not in the mood to blog, but I'll give you this short update. I AM going to NYC this week and I have a date with the Israeli on Wednesday. Used Car guy is going out of town so I won't be meeting him this trip, but hopefully I can make some good connections while I'm there.

I had an interesting conversation on Shabbos with a woman in the community here. I hardly know her, but she seems kind and sweet. I mentioned that I was going to try to schedule two dates with separate guys for the same trip. She was very much against this idea - how can you focus completely on the first date when you know you'll be seeing a different guy tomorrow night?

Is this an okay practice?

At this point, I've decided it is. I'm clearly not in the dating world for the first time - I've had lots of experience and, at my advanced age, people tend to be very guarded on first and second dates.

In any case, it won't be an issue on this trip.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Tag, you're it.

I was online surfing other Jewish blogs (and there are some great ones out there) when the Israeli (you remember: "Go out now and throw some trash in the street") called.

I was surprisingly happy to hear his message. What gives? You don't call for Two Weeks and I'm still happy to hear from you? Go figure.

A trip to NYC has once again become imminent as I now have two potential dates. Another suggestion who also lives in the greater NY area called and left a message. I don't know anything about this guy yet, but I'll call him Used Car Guy since his name sounds like it should be adorning a used car dealership.

Monday, June 20, 2005

When is Shavuos?

Ok, so I've been sitting on this post for over a week now between yom tov and getting into somewhat of a summer groove. But, I'm glad I waited because it got even better at 11:35 p.m. yesterday.

I had a suggestion from SYAS about six weeks ago. The guy lives somewhere in the western U.S. and looked pretty good on paper - FFB who had gone off and then come back, but interesting. Whatever. It was not something to say 'no' to.

He finally got around to calling last Sunday (erev Shavuos) around 2:00 p.m. This is how our conversation played out. I'll call him "Yeshiva" Boy because he told me his parents had sent him to yeshiva his whole life. This becomes important.

"Yeshiva" Boy: So what are you doing today?
Me: Oh, you know, cleaning up from Shabbos and getting ready for yom tov.
YB: Wow! You're getting ready for Shabbos already?
Me: No, I'm cleaning up from Shabbos and getting ready for yom tov.
YB: Yom tov?
Me: Yeah, you know, Shavuos?
YB: Oh. Well, it's not a real yom tov, is it? I mean, my rabbi wants me to come learn all night with him, but I was going to drive over.
Me: No, you can't. Listen, you're really freaking me out - how do you not know about Shavuos?
YB: Well, I live pretty far from the Orthodox community - too far to walk. It's too bad I didn't know earlier that it was yom tov. I could've arranged to get the day off of work. But, there's no one there today and I can't just not show up...
Me: Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

So, you see the issue. I was so flabbergasted by the whole conversation that I neglected to tell him he shouldn't call me again. I decided to wait and give him the news when and if he called again. In the meantime, I emailed someone at SYAS about his clearly misleading profile...

Fastforward to last night at 11:35. I was peacefully asleep on my couch (my mother was visiting and sleeping in my bed) when the phone rang. I picked up on the fourth ring:

Me: Hello?
YB: Hi! It's ___________ from (insert western state here)! How are you?
Me: It's 11:35 here.
YB: Yeah, I'm sorry to call so late. What have you been up to?
Me: Can I talk to you another time?
YB: Oh! I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up! I'll call you next weekend.
Me: Whatever. Goodbye.

If nothing else, at least shidduchim are interesting.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

A Chosson Hunt 2005 Primer

In the past few weeks I've had several people post comments or email me asking me to provide more information about myself. I also let it slip to some non-Jewish friends that I was keeping a blog. This post will address both of these groups.

When I started this blog, I wanted somewhere to vent my feelings in an honest way about shidduchim (dating in the Orthodox community). While I appreciate readers of this blog who want to set me up with their son, neighbor's son, friend's husband's daughter's ex-boyfriend, et cetera, I'm not entirely comfortable adding too many details about myself on this site. I truly think it will impact my ability to write candidly and honestly about my experiences.

I will say this: I'm an Orthodox Jewish giyores (convert). I will only date Orthodox Jewish (frum) guys. So, if you still want to set me up with your brother's uncle's business partner's son, please send me an email at chossonhunt2005@yahoo.com

Now, my dear and wonderful non-Jewish friends who, for some reason, wanted to read this blog... This is your shidduchim and frum-speak dictionary. Please feel free to let me know if additional explanation is needed.

Pronunciation note: the 'ch' in Hebrew and Yiddish is a cross between the English 'k' and 'h'. If you are pronouncing it correctly, it should sound like something gross is subtly stuck in your throat.

A note on translations: these are not scientific definitions. They are my definitions as I understand them. Please let me know if you feel I've made a gross (as in the opposite of small) error in any of them.

  1. baal teshuva - someone who became religious later in life
  2. bashert - the person you will marry and live happily-ever-after with
  3. Chassidishe - Hassidic (i.e. the guys with the curly sidelocks)
  4. Chassidus - Hassidism
  5. chesed - volunteer work (literally: kindness)
  6. chosson - groom (i.e. the opposite of bride)
  7. frum - Orthodox Jewish
  8. hashkafa - outlook - classification within the Orthodox world
  9. machmir - strict
  10. Rav - a rabbi
  11. Shabbos - the Sabbath
  12. shadchan - someone who makes a shidduch between two people
  13. Shas - the Talmud
  14. shidduch - a date or "match"(of the Fiddler on the Roof variety). Plural: shidduchim.
  15. Yichus - status - how important your family is and has been to the world of Orthodox Jewry
  16. Yid - Jew
  17. yom tov - holiday (Passover = yom tov)
Happy reading!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

No news isn't necessarily good news

Ok, so I've had a communication breakdown in about a gazillion ways.

First of all, I fried my laptop this week while watering my newly topsoiled, newly seeded lawn. The water came right through the open window onto my running computer. Sizzle. So, now the nice tech guys at school are trying to fix it for me. Here's to hoping they're successful, since the laptop is integral to my plan to write full-time this summer.

Second communication breakdown? I haven't heard from the Israeli in over a week. The nebuch side of me says that he's probably been busy, doesn't feel it's appropriate to speak on the phone too many times before meeting in person, et cetera. Realistically? I probably said something a little too heart-on-my-sleeve-ish during our last conversation and it wigged him out. Oh well. A date doesn't necessarily look likely at this point.

Third? I finished teaching this week and have been beside myself at leaving this class behind. We had a truly amazing year.

So, between the laptop and being weepy over my seventh graders, I've been out of commission. But, I suspect that this will work out, since I imagine most of you out there won't be checking the blog over Shavuos...

Gut yom tov. Enjoy your cheesecake.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

A Big Part of the Problem

Ok, I need some advice. I've never been very good at romantic relationships (still 29 and single, right?) and part of the problem has always been getting too attached way too soon. I realize this and yet am powerless to stop it. The result? My heart gets broken very easily.

So, what is the answer? I try to remind myself in the initial stages of a shidduch that I'm working on developing a friendship. Yet, I still find myself imagining a life with that person and I get attached to that image.

Scary, I know.

Anyone have a surefire way to stop this desperate and unhealthy cycle? Any tips and tricks for thinking about those first few dates when you're just getting to know each other?