Chosson Found 2005

The End of All Things

2006-03-27T12:43:00.000-06:00

I promised that Chosson Found would go on and so it is - at least somewhat. Soulmate and I will be blogging here from now on - our new joint blog about life out here on the edge of the North American continent. The content will be different, but we'll both still be here.

xo
AnySara and Soulmate

Questions from SoulMate

2006-03-16T09:33:00.000-06:00

Okay loyal readers, I have a couple of questions to put out to you that came up on our trip so far. First is what is the difference between a cataract & a water fall? The next is that there is a bird in Idaho & Oregon that looks like a jay, but with a long black tail (with white at the tip). The body is grey, black & blue.

Oh, and on a different note, I discovered that AnySara doesn't like the idea of me taking pictures of bridges while driving over them, even if it was done 10+ years ago. She is absolutely adorable & I love her so much.

- SoulMate

P.S. She has been indulging my desire to wear a streimel, especially when it was snowing in the heart of the Oregon highlands.

Husband of the Year

2006-03-16T07:18:00.000-06:00

It's 5:30 a.m. here on the West Coast and my body must still be functioning by East Coast time - I'm wide awake.

Where do I sign Soulmate up for the "Husband of the Year" award? We rolled into Astoria, Oregon (not really on our way to anywhere - just a fun place to stop) last night. The hotels are busier than other places we've been so far (since my last posting we spent the night just over the Wyoming-Idaho state line) due to Spring Break. Soulmate found us a room that would not only take the dog, but which has an in-room jacuzzi, free high-speed internet (hence the blog), AND one of those cheesy (yet delightful) gas fireplaces. Ahhhhhhh the romance of it all.

Wyoming and Other Large and Empty Places

2006-03-13T19:19:00.000-06:00

We spent last night in the lovely city of Cheyenne, Wyoming, and tonight we are in Salt Lake City for Purim. State capitol count: 4. Wyoming was beautiful, if somewhat austere. Leaving Cheyenne we expected to spend the day driving in the Rocky mountains. Instead, all of southern Wyoming rides on a high, rolling plain, nearly devoid of trees.

We have to leave in a few minutes to get to megilla reading on time. We did take pictures today and will hopefully post them later tonight.

Mr. and Mrs. Soulmate in the Midwest

2006-03-12T06:04:00.000-06:00

In about two hours we will leave Omaha, Nebraska, and head further west. While Omaha isn't as bad as I had expected, it certainly hasn't been overly nice. It's much hillier than I thought Nebraska would be. We went out last night in search of kosher food. Omaha has a small Jewish community and, of course, a Chabad house. We were able to find a variety of Mon Cuisine and MealMart options to chuck in our cooler to see us through the next two days when we will pass through states that have no kosher food options. We also stocked up at the Krispy Kreme - the only official kosher establishment that was open at 11:00 last night. Every roadtrip needs a donut.

So, Nebraska has been, er, lovely, but I'm ready to get the heck out. Oh, and I also seem to have acquired yet another nickname (the first from my husband): L'Wanda. Will post more on this when I know more :)

Where in the World Are Mr. & Mrs. Soulmate?

2006-03-10T06:26:00.000-06:00

As has been reported on many other blogs, Soulmate and I tied the knot on Sunday night at what has subsequently been dubbed the "Wedding of the Century". More on that later. Since then, we've been busily packing up the house. We blew town yesterday after many lengthy and tearful goodbyes. I can honestly say that I will miss the frum community terribly, but I won't miss the midwestern suburbs. West Coast here I come!

So, the answer to the title question is currently Chicago, home of my mother and stepdaddy. We'll leave in about 10 minutes (or whenever I'm done blogging) and try to get a few hundred miles under our belts before stopping for Shabbos. Soulmate's rav is hooking us up with meals for tonight and tomorrow.

Today we will cross the mighty, polluted Mississippi. It will be my first time crossing it in a car. What's the protocol? Logic tells me we should stop and spit into it, but Soulmate is unsure about this.

Gotta go. Chicago traffic is a nightmare and we have to get the heck out of Dodge.

Live from the West Coast

2006-02-20T11:04:00.000-06:00

The wedding is closer and closer. I've finished work and am now enjoying a well-deserved week on the West Coast with Soulmate.

Will keep you posted.

Wedding Madness

2006-02-06T11:12:00.000-06:00

Weddings are a scam.

Well, at least attempting to pay for them is a scam.

On Thursday, I went for my dress fitting. All went well, they took measurements to create sleeves and a tznius neckline, and I paid the balance on the dress itself independently of the alterations. Let me note here that the dress was Very Expensive.

When I asked for an estimate on the alterations, I was presented with a figure that was nearly half of the price of the Very Expensive dress. Now, this didn't include any material - I already paid for that. It did, however, include the cost of steaming and bustling the dress.

Perhaps I'm crazy and blissfully out-of-touch with the bridal industry, but wouldn't one assume that every dress sold needs to be bustled and steamed? Why are these extra fees? If I've already spent a Large Sum of Money, shouldn't these services be included?

On Friday, I called to put in the final order for my cake. Wedding cake is not something found at your typical frum wedding (at least not in this community), so I knew getting someone to make one that was actually tasty and pretty was going to be a hard job.

My caterer uses a kosher bakery in town whose cakes have the reputation of being dry and tasteless. I wasn't interested. So, we attempted to hire a woman in the community who is renowned for her cake-baking expertise. She initially agreed, but then thought better of the idea. Back to square one.

Someone suggested I call another caterer who had his own pastry chef to see if they would do a cake for me. I explained all the circumstances (including that we were using another caterer), but the man in the office said yes anyway.

Fast-forward to Friday. I was chatting away with the man in the office about what kind of cake, when it had to be delivered, etc. I was about to give him my credit card number when he asked if I would mind holding for a minute. Moments later, a second voice came on the line identifying himself as the owner of the catering company. Very tersely, he explained that he most certainly wouldn't do my cake and how dare I even ask him if I wasn't using his catering company. I

I was stunned.

I said, "You're bringing me to tears. There are special circumstances. Please let me explain."

He replied, "I don't care. Even if I hadn't found out about this until the day before the wedding, I would've cancelled the cake."

"I'm surprised to hear a frum person saying such a thing," I said, my voice shaking.

"Your surprise doesn't concern me," he said.

I was so enraged at this point that I told him I wouldn't give him my business anyway and I hung up on him. I'm not proud of this - I never hang up on people (well, not on purpose anyway). It's Monday morning, and I still find myself wanting to write him a scathing letter. At this point, I don't give a flick about the cake - it's my honor that has been offended.

Back to square one.

An Ode to Soulmate and the Stinky Dog

2006-01-20T08:57:00.000-06:00

It's a lovely warm Friday. We're supposedly expecting several inches of snow tonight and I'm facing a weekend of babysitting for M.H.'s darling children.

Normally this would stress me out. I feel very peaceful today, though. The kids are generally very well-behaved for me and I'm looking forward to spending the weekend with them. I slept there last night and woke rested and mellow.

Last week, I sent Stinky Dog to hang with my grandparents until the wedding. I miss her terribly. Sure, she smells, scratches, sheds, licks herself in unsightly places, and is generally very demanding, but she also is superb at cuddling, bringing me socks, and looking happy to see me even when I'm totally cranky.

Soulmate. A week today I will be there with him. We have plans to drive up to a lovely valley Friday morning for a picnic lunch before returning in time for Shabbos. Being apart from him is nearly unbearable. I have no idea how people manage long engagements far from one another. We spend, on average, three hours a night on the phone and I would gladly spend more if I didn't need to sleep.

So, there you are. All the news that's fit to print. Oh, and if you're Canadian, please go vote on Monday for anyone except your local Conservative candidate.

Dreary

2006-01-17T08:16:00.000-06:00

I've been waiting for inspiration before posting. I've been waiting at least to have some time.

These days are a mix of joy and burden. So much work is left to be done to sell the house that it's often overwhelming. I have to make a conscious effort to see over and through them to the other side.

But you've heard this all before.

Every day I fall more deeply in love with Soulmate and the visions of how our life will be blossom in ways I hadn't before imagined.

I am exhausted.

Maybe...

2006-01-11T22:18:00.000-06:00

I found the dress.

Yes, I know. All that ranting about how they all look the same.

I didn't want to take it off. I looked hot. I never think I look hot.

Maybe I am a girl after all.

The house is coming together bit by bit. Stinky Dog went to stay with the grandparents today. They'll bring her back when they come for the wedding. I'm lonely for her, but happy to not have to sweep dog fur every day while the house is being shown.

I labeled my first box with our names and address today: Soulmate and Anysara. It was a comfortable thrill, like puzzle pieces sliding into place.

I should go to bed. I've been playing hooky from school the last two days in favor of taking care of wedding/moving preparations. I cringe at what I'll find tomorrow. This year's class has all the charm of a snake pit. I'm not exactly broken up about leaving them mid-year.

Goodnight, dear readers.

The Anti-Bride: A Rant, of Sorts

2006-01-09T19:11:00.000-06:00

Dear Mom, C.G., and anyone else to whom this may concern:

All I want out of life right now is to pack up and sell my house. On the day of our wedding, I want to marry Soulmate, serve everyone a meal, and be done with it. I don't care what I wear. I don't care what the invitations look like. I don't care what little favors we'll give out. I don't even care about the dancing. I just want to spend the rest of my life with my one-and-only.

Is that so hard to understand?

The dresses? The all look the same to me - every last one. On top of that, none of them are tznius and I can't for the life of me imagine what they'll look like in an altered state. Not that I really care. I found a dress at the gemach. It's very pretty and fits me nicely. It needs to be tznius-ized. Mom, you didn't like it and are now making me insane by driving to every bridal boutique in the greater Chicagoland area taking pictures of dresses that all look exactly like each other!

Maybe I have a genetic defect. Perhaps my defining X-chromosome had the teeny portion of that releases the bride hormone around age twelve lopped off in the womb.

I am the Anti-Bride.

Soulmate and I should show up in jeans and hiking boots to the chuppah. That'd serve you all right.

On Bended Knee

2006-01-03T18:32:00.000-06:00

After a day of travel I was met at the arrivals gate in Windsor, ON, by AnySara. We stood in the throng of people waiting for the luggage to come out. I searched about for a romantic spot to propose, but alas in an airport with less style and charm than any I’ve visited in developing nations, there was no spot to fit the bill.So, I got down on bended knee, fished out the ring I’d been carrying in a pocket next to my heart for the last 10 hours, and with a short proposal I’d put together on the flight out (note from AS: the proposal was beautiful and although I was thoroughly kabibbled, I remember it involving the words "a life of magic, discovery, and adventure), asked her to marry me. Much to my pleasure she said yes, and we started an absolutely wonderful week. I met her friends and family, all of whom I liked (AS: Soulmate was a real trooper. He charmed his way through two sets of parents, one set of grandparents, and assorted other friends and relatives - they are almost as much in love with him as I am :) . And I learned what it feels like to be absolutely in love with someone.For a while AnySara has been referring to me here as her soul mate. I can say without a moment’s hesitation that she is my soul mate, my best friend, and the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. - SoulMate

Selling, Planning, and Packing

2006-01-02T13:29:00.000-06:00

It's been an interesting morning.

Disclaimer: I decided this morning that with planning the wedding, selling the house, and planning the move, this is going to be the most stressful two months of my life.

The upside? All the hard work pays off with a life with Soulmate.

The downside? I'm probably going to be a little cranky once in awhile. Okay, a lot.

This morning, a frum guy who invests in houses came to look at mine. He's basically not interested because he doesn't think he could make a profit on the house. He also gave the horribly misguided advice that I should just default on my mortgage since he thinks I won't be able to sell the house anytime soon. Bad, bad, bad idea.

So, I'm back to davening that H-shem will please sell my house.

I went to Home Depot today and bought all the stuff necessary to make the changes the realtor suggested. Will start on that tonight. Had another shaitel appointment today - none of the colors were right, so we're still looking. She'll order from New York. We did talk $$, though, and I think it will work out. I'm still not hooked into anything.

I'm going with C.G. to meet with the caterer today. The shul we want may not be available and C.G. asked about changing the date. I told her I'd rather jump off the Ambassador Bridge than change the date again. Nothing before will work and, if we wait any longer, it'll be nearly Pesach time.

Stinky Dog is slurping away at her foot which is really irritating me right now. I need some happy pills.

An Ode to the BlogBlond

2006-01-01T20:32:00.000-06:00

I can't remember if I mentioned it and I don't have the time right now to look, but the BlogBlond was the shadchan who brought Soulmate and I together

However, long before BlogBlond was our shadchan, she was a friend of uncompromised quality.

As Soulmate can attest, not much can make me tear up at leaving this part of the Midwest. Yet, three times so far this weekend, tears have fallen when I think of being so far from BlogBlond and all that her friendship means to me.

Along with Soulmate, BlogBlond really is all that and a bag of chips (but not in a weird way). She showed tremendous courage and perseverance in overcoming a misdiagnosed illness that drastically altered her life for over two years. I barely knew her before she got sick, but the kindred spirit in her shined through in spite of this.

We laugh at irreverent and often inappropriate things. I know I can go to her with even my most shocking secrets and she won't be shocked. I cry on her shoulder when I can't take what the world is dishing out to me anymore. I call her with juicy bits of gossip (spare me the loshon hara lectures, dear readers) and we spar respectfully over politics.

I adore the BlogBlond and her family. Her husband gave a moving toast at the l'chaim last night that brought back the flood of memories of the last five years.

I hope she knows how much I love her, how much I'll miss her, and how glad I am that Soulmate and I have free long-distance calling.

Posts You Should Read

2006-01-01T20:02:00.000-06:00

Soulmate won't get home until about 2:00 a.m. He'll call and reassure me that everything is right with the world. Until then, I have a lot of time to kill, so I've been reading blogs and trying to figure out how to ship my stuff out to the west coast.

I've run across two posts you should read.

The first is by MC Aryeh over at A Whispering Soul. It's purely self-indulgent for me, but his characteristic wit creates a beautiful charicature of my courtship with Soulmate.

The second post nearly broke my heart. I've been numb ever since I dropped Soulmate off at the airport today and this post cracked through the unfeeling veneer to the rawness within and made me examine how absolutely lucky I am. I have no idea what I did to deserve Soulmate - perhaps I did something in a past life or perhaps I did something unintentionally that was a bracha to someone else. Soulmate has brought such tremendous light and warmth into my life that I'm still at a loss for words. When I find them, you'll be the first to know.

L'Chaim

2006-01-01T19:15:00.000-06:00

Thank you to everyone who wrote with mazal tovs and brachas. The l'chaim was last night - usually these aren't my scene, but Soulmate and I both had a blast. Many thanks go out to M.H., Photochick, and everyone else who worked so hard to make the event possible.

When is the chasunah, you ask? 5 Adar/March 5. (No, it's not on Onlysimchas). I've already given notice at work and have begun the monumental task of selling my house, im yirtze H-shem.

I'll leave it to my favorite guest blogger to tell about the actual proposal itself. It was beautiful and left me quite speechless with a goofy grin on my face. I think we also made the day of several people standing in the baggage claim at the airport who witnessed the happy event.

I have the day off school tomorrow and will spend it on wedding/moving plans. As you might have guessed, I'm not such a girlie-girl and really don't care overmuch about the wedding itself. It'll be nice to have a day to celebrate with friends and family and to show hakares hatov to all the people who have helped me reach this point. What I'm really looking forward to is life with Soulmate...

Sparklies

2005-12-25T19:11:00.000-06:00

Soon, soon.

2005-12-25T07:51:00.000-06:00

I'm leaving now from my grandparents' to head back home where I will tidy the house and then go to pick up Soulmate from the airport.

Eight hours and twenty-nine minutes.

Anticipation

2005-12-22T21:45:00.000-06:00

Are you excited yet?

I am.

Soulmate arrives, b'ezras H-shem, in less than seventy-two hours.

In fact, sixty-six hours and thirty-two minutes.

Friends and Lovers

2005-12-18T09:41:00.000-06:00

Good friends are worth more than all the riches in the world. I spent last night in the company of my true family - they may not be related to me by blood, but we are all such kindred spirits that, in many ways, we are closer than family.

They were all so excited at the prospect of meeting Soulmate. I had been slightly afraid that they would think things were moving too quickly, but I should've known better.

Apparently it is true - MH and another friend, CG, keep telling me that people have been calling them after running into me in the store and asking what's going on with Anysara, she's positively glowing. My best friends in the world must've picked up on this, too.

We told all the old stories and laughed until we cried - something I hadn't realized I had been sorely missing.

They asked about Soulmate and the connection we have in spite of only having seen each other once in the flesh.

I told them that, all my life I had looked for people who were like me - kindred spirits who connected on some cosmic level. In my senior year of college, I found this connection with this particular group of friends. I knew we'd be together (in spirit and thought if not in body) for the rest of our lives. Then I told them that I had found this same connection with Soulmate only on a deeper and much more absolute level.

This blog entry isn't coming off the way I wanted. The intangible is refusing to be put on paper. Let me at least say this to all my loyal friends (cyber and otherwise) who continue to daven for me and who bring me so much joy and bracha:

We should always have friends with whom we can laugh until we cry and we should all merit a life with our own Soulmate.

Thank you.

Nine Days

2005-12-16T12:39:00.000-06:00

And I thought the Nine Days in the month of Av were torturous...

What am I waiting for? No, it's not Xmas. In nine days and three-and-a-half hours, Soulmate will be here...

Photochick

2005-12-14T17:16:00.000-06:00

Another friend has started a blog: photochickatlarge.blogspot.com

Check it out!

Finished!

2005-12-13T19:51:00.000-06:00

Here are the finished painting pics:

I love Sunday morning projects

2005-12-11T11:03:00.000-06:00

I've decided to finally paint my bedroom. Nearly every other room in my house has been painted since I moved in almost three years ago. Here are the before pictures - the room is a dingy, ugly, green that is just about the color of stuff that comes out of your nose. I recently made a new duvet cover for myself - I even bought fluffy, girly pillows for the bed and new sheets. Now, I'm painting the room to match the sheets (though it's a color that will endure, should the new bedding, im yirtze H-shem, not stay in this house long). Anyway, as I said, here's the before. I'll post the after later.

The closet...

I had no place to move my dresser to, so it'll get covered with plastic before I start.

The Stinky Dog who has been disgruntled all morning with all the furniture moving that's been happening.

Update

2005-12-07T20:50:00.000-06:00

Soulmate is now making me smile at least 1000 times a day. That's all you need to know. For now.

Ho-ing for Ho Ho Ho

2005-12-06T14:42:00.000-06:00

So my homeroom class is doing a service project this week. The little darlins came up with the idea of taking orders for the delivery of holiday greeting cards accompanied by candy canes. All proceeds would go to buy Christmas gifts for a family in need. I suppose I should make the disclaimer at this point that the small town where I teach is nearly completely Christian. Christmas is just a fact of life here.

The real problem was, the sixth and seventh graders were ordering cards to be sent to their friends/boyfriends/girlfriends/favorite teachers/etc., but we weren't getting any love from the eighth graders.

Now, maybe you remember and maybe you don't, but my students from last year totally rocked and they are now all eighth graders. So, I was dispatched by the more goal-oriented students in my homeroom to make an announcement in each eighth grade class.

I guess it worked. Apparently today three of my girls from last year were going around the lunch room selling hugs for a nickel - quite a bargain. They then dutifully marched over and dropped the profits into our collection jar. I didn't ask how much they made. It's nice to know that I fostered a new form of prostitution.

(credit to Soulmate for the title of this blog entry)

BlogBlond

2005-12-06T14:37:00.000-06:00

A lovely and wonderful friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, has started her own blog - BlogBlond. I see that some of you have already surfed over to see her - she's hilarious and brilliant, so get with it if you haven't already.

Guest Blog - Update from Soulmate

2005-12-01T13:27:00.000-06:00

I have been invited to respond as a guest blogger on AnySara’s blog. You have been reading about the lead up to us meeting last weekend, and now I am reporting on it from my perspective. I can say that women from Michigan are beautiful (based on the sample provided by AnySara & my rebbetzin). The three days together passed much too quickly, which I take to be a good sign.

I must concur that being shomer negillah with someone you really like is maddening. My rav’s answer to this is that this is why we have short engagements in the Orthodox world. On that note, does anyone know of an Orthodox rabbi John Wayne impersonator? ;)

AnySara has rocked my world & I am having a great time getting to know her.

I am off right now to buy my ticket for a week’s visit at the end of Dec.

I'm Back

2005-11-28T00:37:00.000-06:00

It's 1:30 a.m. I just got home. Here's the summary:

The northwestern coast of the North American continent is absolutely stunning.
Staying shomer negiah with someone you really, really like is infinitely difficult.
And, oh yeah, he definitely IS all that AND a bag of chips.

I'm going to bed.

Date with Destiny

2005-11-23T20:51:00.000-06:00

In four hours, I will leave my house for a date with destiny. Will keep you posted.

T-3 Days

2005-11-21T09:07:00.000-06:00

I was very productive yesterday: washed and put up the storm windows, shopped for paint for my bedroom, and made split pea soup (see Lentil Soup recipe below and substitute split peas for lentils). I also saw the new Harry Potter movie. It was honestly breathtaking. I know they left out lots of stuff from the book and not everything matched, but it was extraordinarily well done - gone was the Roald Dahl-esque feel that all the weirdness was fundamentally harmless. In it's place was a dark, post-modern film that seemed to have more in common with the Cirque du Soleil than the previous movies. Definitely PG-13.

I simply adored it.

Which brings me to my next point: I might be seeing it again this weekend with Soulmate... Yes, just three days remain until I board the airplane and wing off to finally meet him. All signs are positive - will update you upon my return.

I've dropped out of the NaNoWriMo challenge (sorry, Elster), but I've just had to devote brain space to other things (like how to look as cute as possible when I get off the plane...). But I've been trying to resume my morning writing in spite of the fact that every cell in my body seems to want to hibernate. It's going well and I'll post more to my writing blog later this week.

Spy Master K

2005-11-15T12:43:00.000-06:00

So, I'm sitting in the school computer lab while my students busily type away on memoirs they are writing for class. Why, you ask, am I not up making sure they aren't surfing porn or gambling online?

The answer is simple. I can see every screen from the comfort of my monitor. We have a program called NetOp on the instructor console. This lovely little program allows me to see all screens in the lab at once. It's fun to play with, but I feel like Big Brother. I can change the font color and start typing on their documents making them think their computers are possessed.

It's also a little disturbing. What guarantee do we have that the government will not one day do "sneak and peek" on our computers the way they can invade our homes under the Patriot Act? And what right does corporate America have to find out so much information about me that I get ads targeted to my interests on my Yahoo Mail login page? I don't often get paranoid, but NetOp freaks me out. What if the powers-that-be at SBC decide to do market research by surfing the desktops and documents of its subscriber's computers? OnStar, the popular new automobile feature touted as the "in-vehicle safety and security system", also freaks me out. The automobile industry now knows exactly where and when we operate our vehicles.

M.H. thinks that we are conditioned to be paranoid that the government can get too much information about us. And she has a point. If I have nothing to hide, why should I care who's looking?

Nevertheless, the potential invasion of my privacy by snooping FBI gumshoes or corporate researchers leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Tillie!

2005-11-13T09:42:00.000-06:00

Success!

Tillie has, after ten days of patient feeding, yielded her first loaf - a yummy, sourdough round loaf!

Next week: Tillie tries challah (are you up for the taste test, M.H.?) and whole wheat bread.

I'm so cool

2005-11-08T12:09:00.000-06:00

Just thought you'd like to see a snippet of the email I received this morning:

"I am so looking forward to seeing you. We will have a wonderful visit. I will split the cost of the airfare with you. I must sign off and give myself over to the siren song of this hotel bed, as I have to get up really early to make it to the Orthodox minyan here."

Ahhhh.

Trip, Awesome Lentil Soup, and Tillie

2005-11-07T17:20:00.000-06:00

I'm flying to visit Soulmate over Thanksgiving weekend. For complicated reasons, he couldn't get away just then. Since I already have the time off school, it just made more sense than for him to fly in here a different weekend (which he offered to do). Will keep you posted.

I made my second soup tonight and it's full of all the yummiest things - garlic, onion, tomatoes... Here's the recipe based on the Lentil Soup Recipe in the Moosewood Cookbook:

Lentil Soup
3 c. dry lentils
7 c. water
2 t. salt
6-8 medium cloves garlic, crushed
2 c. chopped onion
1 c. baby carrots (chopped, if you must - I left them whole)
1 t. basil
1/2 t. thyme
1/2 t. oregano
black pepper to taste
1 large can diced tomatoes (or if you're really groovy, chop your own - I used the canned out of laziness)

Boil lentils in water with salt. Lower heat and simmer 20-30 min, partly covered. Add vegetables (except tomatoes) and herbs and simmer another 20-30 min. Pour in the canned tomatoes, juice and all, and heat through. Yum!

Oh, and I named the bread starter "Tillie". Thanks for all the harassment. Am waiting for the starter to develop fully before attempting any more bread - the first "loaf" was tasty and remarkably flat. Tillie should hit puberty later this week and be fully mature sometime next week if i can manage to keep her warm and fed.

Soup-a-rific

2005-11-03T13:15:00.000-06:00

I made Mushroom Barley Soup on Tuesday night. It was ok the first night, but today when I took some to school (and laboriously kashered the microwave), it, as my Opa would say, hit the spot. Yum. Lentil soup is next on the list - perhaps I'll start it tonight and let it bubble away overnight.

In other cooking endeavors, I am attempting to create a bread starter. This is done by combining a cup of flour and a cup of water and placing it in a jar covered by a towel in a warm spot on the counter. After feeding and stirring it for several days, you should have a natural growth of lactobacillus and wild yeast. This is how the bakeries in France and the sourdough bakeries in San Francisco make their bread.

I've created my starter. Now I need a good name for it. It needs a name because starters, with regular care and feeding, quite literally live forever and can be used throughout the years to make thousands upon thousands of loaves of bread. I'm thinking of either Ezekiel (could call it Zeke for short) or Matilda (Tillie for short). Will accept votes for one or the other and announce the decision motzei Shabbos.

Livin' la Vida Solo Rant

2005-10-31T20:27:00.000-06:00

Single life just isn't fun.

Oh sure, I have unlimited access to the phone, bathroom, remote control... but it just doesn't make up for being able to cuddle up to a warm husband at night (or at least cuddle up to a warm husband sleeping one bed over).

Tonight, I stayed at work until 5:30. Not late, you might say. True, I admit, but late enough when you consider I arrived at 7:30. And I brought more work home with me. This is all part of Hell Week. Somehow, I roped myself into coordinating and chaperoning the seventh grade trip to Mackinac Island this year. We're having an organizational meeting for the 100+ participants on Wednesday evening. Did I mention I'm xenophobic? Not really, but there's a huge reason why I didn't go into business or sales, aside from my deep and abiding love for serving humanity in the non-profit sector. I once read an article on aish.com that talked about how singles should spend their time developing a love and yearning to serve the community. Yeah. Serve this.

And, parent-teacher conferences are this Thursday and next Tuesday evenings.

The long and short of it all: I hate dealing with adults (present company excluded since *most* of you are not idiots).

You see, I can excuse most acts of anti-genius in children. They are, well, children, after all and it's my job to develop and mold their little brains and generally beat the ingrained stupidity out of them. Are you scared, yet? The problem comes when I have to meet their parents. All year, I train them to not say "shut up"to each other and not to say "I ain't got none". When I meet Mom and Dad, they are inevitably yelling at their child, "Shut up! You know we ain't got nonna that at home! Oh wait, maybe I seen some yesterday in the TV room."

It's a lost cause. At least they'll all know the capital of Bolivia (quick - what is it?). Wait. Wait. La Paz. Ha, I knew you could do it.

Speaking of adults at the top of my fecal roster, I have again been bullied into eating Shabbos dinner at the house of woman in the community who will simultaneously ask you to help serve supper, try to sell you some clothes, and arrange for you to babysit for her ten (b'li ayin hara) lovely children on Shabbos afternoon so she and her husband can have a Shabbos shluf. Single girls, after all, have nothing better to do.

My inability to say no (translation: my inability to think up lies fast enough when caught unawares answering my phone at 10:30 p.m.) is woefully underdeveloped, but improving, generally-speaking. I was invited to the bar mitzvah of this woman's son a while back. She didn't have it catered and was relying on her guests to help serve the food (though she did manage to rent a hall). I snapped right before cholent. I had just sat down to eat my salad when she approached me and asked if I would go in and help serve the rest of the meal. WTF?!? Across the room sat an entire bevy of her female relatives who were in town from New York. Did they lift one jappy little finger? No. I, on the other hand, developed sudden, violent stomach cramps and had to excuse myself immediately to flee the scene.

The lamprey eel is an invasive species in the Great Lakes. "When attacking, the lamprey fastens onto its prey and rasps out a hole with its rough tongue.An anticoagulant in the lamprey's saliva keeps the wound open for hours or weeks, until the lamprey is satiated or the host fish dies." Sea Lamprey/Fish of the Great Lakes by Wisconsin Sea Grant.

Draw your own parallels.

This time, however, I'm taking a friend. Two is stronger than one.

Which brings me back to my original statement: single life just isn't fun. There was no one to help me carry in the groceries tonight, no one to get excited about the yummy soups I'm going to make tomorrow, no one to rub my neck and shoulders (at this point, I'd trade any possibility of ever having sex for a good neck/shoulder rub). I know I can pay to have this done (the massage, that is), but at this point I need it so badly that it would be like hiring a prostitute and would be woefully unsatisfying in so many, many ways.

Ah, at least I have my feather bed and a nice dog warming it for me as I sit here and type this (moving her will require a forklift, but will be well worth it once accomplished).

Ta ta. I'm going to bed.

Blogging for the Blog's Sake

2005-10-30T13:46:00.000-06:00

I am still amongst the living. Remember the adage "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? Yeah.

In other news, I'm joining Elster in the Nanowrimo challenge - writing a 50,000 word novel in one month. I figure this works out to 2,000 words per day for the 26 available days of the month of November. We start on Monday night at midnight (or, in my case, at 5:00 Tuesday moning). Fame, fortune, and a cabin in the woods, here I come!

Seriously, it's October, almost November. I started putting on my storm windows today. Had to borrow M.H.'s husband to do the heavy lifting (thanks!).

Ugh. Will write more when have something nice to say.

Qualifications #57 and #58

2005-10-19T21:48:00.000-05:00

My grandparents are selling their house - the same house featured in the blog entries The Princess Takes a Walk and Summer as It Should Be...

As of now, I'm seeking a chosson who is a) available immediately and b) rich enough to buy the place.

Lest anyone think that we here in the Midwest are wealthy, my grandparents purchased the lot for a very modest price the year I was born (do the math). Lakefront real estate has sky-rocketed in value since then, leaving me utterly unable to afford to buy it.

O Chosson, my Chosson - where art thou? Bringest near thy checkbook...

Call me a moneygrubber or call me a sentimental fool. Whatever. The thought of losing this place in the spring hurts like hell.

Mowing the lawn and other Sunday chores

2005-10-09T11:02:00.000-05:00

Pulled out the vintage mower today for a last spin around the postage stamp. I've decided to let the fallen leaves remain in order to increase the amount of organic material in the soil. I just mowed right over them. We'll see how the neighbors like that.

I generally disdain the people who hire ChemLawn and other toxic lawn services. I don't care what they use or how much it has been tested - it can't be healthy for our neighborhood environment to have so many chemicals sprayed on everyone's lawn. I found this great website - Organic Lawn Care for the Cheap and Lazy - and I'm following the guy's advice. So far, so good, but I really don't care as long as it's green.

While I was mowing I got to thinking about all those people in Nevada and how they want to divert water from the Great Lakes to water their lawns which, incidentally, are in the desert. I'm sorry, but if you move to the desert, you forfeit your right to have a green lawn. Make a rock garden or a cactus garden.

"Photo/Tom Lynn The suburb of Henderson is part of the urban sprawl surrounding Las Vegas. More than 5,000 people move to the area every month, and many of them insist on having yards with trees and shrubs." Great Lakes Tempt A Thirsty Nation Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

I grew up on the shores of Lake Michigan. For the past five years, the water level in Little Traverse Bay has been lower than I ever remember it. For up-to-date information on threats to the Great Lakes, visit the Great Lakes Commission.

On another, yet related, topic, during my lawnmower musing, I remembered a website that appeared shortly after Bush's reelection in 2004. The bit about Florida is what I thought of when I started thinking about geographical locations which are unsuitable for human habitation without major modifications to the environment. WARNING: it contains very foul language but is hilarious, if you have that kind of a sense of humor. If you're offended by the f-word, don't visit the site. I don't want to hear about it.

And, of course, remember that I would (will?) take my granola-eatin', Subaru-drivin', Democratic-votin' self and happily build a cabin in the woods of the Upper Peninsula and live there "off the grid". Perhaps soon, if this whole Chosson Hunt thing doesn't resolve itself.

Chapter 3

2005-10-07T13:24:00.000-05:00

Chapter 3 has been posted to my book blog. Feel free to check it out if you're interested in young adult fantasy/adventure lit.

Rosh Hashanah Blue

2005-10-06T04:39:00.000-05:00

Let's talk about going to shul.

I have a friend who is frum, but who is one of the more outrageous frummies I know. We can go toe-to-toe in foul language and just last Saturday night, I saw her down a pitcher of some fruity vodka drink without even getting a buzz. My point? She goes to shul every Shabbos without fail. I sat next to her in our rented High Holiday seats one row back in the women's section - she was davening like her life depended on it.

How often do I go to shul? Mmm...never.

Shabbos morning rolls around and all I want to do is curl up on the couch with my book for a few hours before davening and going to lunch. I try to convince myself that I should go hear laining, but my laziness yetzer hara gets the better of me.

So, how much time did I spend in shul on Rosh Hashanah, one of the holiest days on the Jewish calendar? Approximately two hours.

On the first day, I arrived just in time for shofar blowing, having davened shacharis at home. I lasted through the Kedushah of Mussaf before I fled the scene. I had to get out. I was suffocating and dying of boredom. Where was the kavannah?!? In years past, I've been able to dredge it up from somewhere, but this year, nothing.

Second day I used the excuse that I was having people over for lunch and I needed to do last minute things like heat the roast, make Waldorf salad (sans nuts), bake the squash kugel, etc. I did manage to hear shofar blowing - a somewhat impromptu performance given by my neighbor while standing on the street corner for the benefit of myself, his wife, and M.H. who was coming to eat lunch at my house.

I hope Yom Kippur is easier. Otherwise, it will be a long, long day.

Off to eat oatmeal before the fast starts.

Posting Drought

2005-10-02T16:32:00.000-05:00

I suspect that over the next few weeks my posting will be sporadic.

Between the yamim tovim (holidays) and playing catch up after missing so much school, I don't expect to have much time. Woohoo. I can't wait. (notice the deliberate lack of exclamation marks)

Also, Soulmate and I have set a date to meet in person. For lots of really good reasons (translation: I don't want any advice re: the timeline of everything), he's coming here for Thanksgiving weekend. This is totally groovy with me because it will give me the opportunity to really have a good shot at losing the 20 lbs (current progress: 3 lbs lost in 1.5 weeks - not too bad).

Yet, this brings up another dilemma - what am I going to blog about during this time? Technically this blog is supposed to be about shidduchim. I can only tell you so many times how awesome and fantatstic he is - I'm sure it's already gotten old. I don't want to share specific details of conversations/emails because they are ongoing and are personal - I wouldn't share most of them without his permission.

So, while I think about this, I'll go back to yom tov cooking (first time making real chicken soup!) and try to puzzle it all out.

L'shana tova.

Book blog

2005-09-28T05:08:00.000-05:00

I finally started a blog to post chapters of my young adult novel. If this sort of thing interests you, feel free to check it out and leave (or not leave) your comments there.

www.midrian.blogspot.com

The Princess Takes a Walk

2005-09-27T15:18:00.000-05:00

Pup on walkway.

Pup on walkway from afar.
Pup on stairs

Pup on deck

More Adventures in Maine

2005-09-25T10:12:00.000-05:00

Daniel and Chavi are off to Maine with baby Elish and Leba, the puppy. Check out their blog for up-to-the-minute photo coverage. I'm extremely jealous - I'd love to see Maine in the fall!

I'm up north for the weekend - a dual Grandma's 80th birthday and step-grandma's memorial service visit. It was beautiful yesterday (Shabbos) as I walked to the restaurant to be with the family at the brunch event after the service (please keep halachic commentary on this choice to yourself). The town I grew up in, Petoskey, Michigan, is on Little Traverse Bay in northern Michigan and the whole walk was along the blue, blue shoreline. Sigh. As I was walking, I was imagining how one might live a frum life up here. The only problem I ran into was the mikveh question - not a problem in the summer as lakes are plentiful. I don't particularily fancy polar bear swims, however. I wonder if there is a mikveh in Traverse City an hour and a half away? Hmm.

Anyway, will post pictures if it manages to stop raining for a few minutes so that I can take some.

Communication Blackout

2005-09-20T10:25:00.000-05:00

I know what you're thinking. No, he's about the only person I have heard from.

This isn't a complaint. I occasionally experience days where I am in some kind of cosmic communication blackout. No one calls. I receive no emails (not even for Viagra or larger breasts!). It's weird that it happens all at once. Sometimes I can tie it to an upcoming or ongoing event - everyone is out Xmas shopping (a reality among my friends and family members) or everyone has left early for Labor Day weekend. But, sometimes these days occur on random Mondays in the middle of September for no identifiable reason other than people are trying to come to grips with the suddenly cool weather that leaves no doubt that fall is sweeping in.

Or, perhaps everyone is just consumed with the idea of the new TV season that starts this week. I'll be checking out Martha Stewart's "Apprentice" (yes, I'm a closet Martha fan, much to my mother's chagrin) tomorrow night. Sunday, since I'll be up north for the combination memorial service/80th birthday fiasco (on different sides of the family), I'll set my VCR to tape the new "West Wing" and "Grey's Anatomy".

Fall makes TV look GOOD. I'm ready for a little chilly weather - I love my sweaters and tights. I can't wait to go apple picking or start cooking for yom tov. It's been a great summer full of discoveries and long hot days. But, for now, I'll content myself with a little leaf-raking and TV watching, curled up with the Stinky Dog as the days grow shorter and shorter.

Weary

2005-09-18T19:50:00.000-05:00

I'm weary - but it's a pleasant water-logged and sun-drenched day-at-the-beach weary.

He responded. It was very sweet (are you surprised?). He said he had to stay at home until after yom tov because they need him to make a minyan in his tiny community. I find this adorable and endearing. So, we'll start looking for cheap plane tickets and planning the other details. I would like him to come here and will eventually suggest so unless he comes up with a better idea (say, meeting in Paris, or something). Wow. That would certainly be something. Paris. Hmm. Food for thought.

Anyway, I have approximately six weeks to lose 20 lbs. This may be just the kick-in-the-ass that I need after a summer spent gaining and losing the same 2 lbs. over and over again. I usually try to be internally motivated in my weight-loss endeavors - the logic that the loss won't stick keeps me from pinning my hopes on others. But, perhaps the impending visit will help motivate me a little more than I have been. Size 14 here I come! Ha. (We all have to have goals in life, after all.)

My new favorite band? Great Big Sea. Check them out if you like funky Celtic/folk/rock/drinking song fusion.

At this point in the dating proceedings, I usually feel nervous and the initial bloom has slipped off the rose. This time, however, I feel this serene calm - as if I can't possibly do anything to screw it up. Daniel, maybe this is what your wife meant when she told you she knew from your first date that you would get married?

I went back to read my poem "You" that I posted in May. He's in there. It's him. He fits exactly into every single image that came to me when I wrote it last summer. At that time, I couldn't imagine a Jewish man fitting into my vision, but it appears that he does exist.

Now I have to wait and see if his vision matches mine.

I did it.

2005-09-16T12:13:00.000-05:00

I did it.

When M.H. spoke with one of his references, she (the reference) mentioned that for some reason he isn't proactive. Everything else sounded beyond great, so I decided to go for it.

I was very pareve and nonchalant - suggesting that we begin to think about meeting in person since the details would likely take a while to work out, especially with the chagim on the way.

Small Jewish world example of the day: M.H. was one of his rebbetzin's teachers in high school.

No reply. Will keep you posted.

Quick Blog

2005-09-14T09:44:00.000-05:00

Ugh.

We had Parent Night at school last night. Ugh. Why is it that some parents have no concept that while they have one child to look after, we have SIXTY? "No, Mrs. X, I will not call you each time your child is missing an assignment." My favorite was this one: "Um, sometimes we have a lot going on in the evenings and we don't have time to help the kids with their homework, but I see that you take 10% off the final grade for each day a paper is late. I don't think that's fair. Will you accept late papers from my child with no penalty?

M.H. called for Soulmate's references. Apparently he really is that cool (are you sick of hearing that, yet?). In fact, she wouldn't tell me everything - she wanted to wait so she could tell me in person.

Will update you as soon as I find out what the scoop is.

Technical Problems

2005-09-08T04:23:00.000-05:00

I started to panic. I reminded myself that I am happy with my existence. A situation that seemed so promising last week was crumbling before my eyes.

Then, he emailed.

He asked if I had received his email from the weekend. I hadn't. Technical problems. He thought I was ignoring him and I was here thinking he was ignoring me. I was determined not to seem desperate by sending him a "where are you?" email. The waiting, for once, paid off.

Problem solved.

Will let him suggest a meeting. Please don't write and give me advice about this.

He's only getting cooler, by the way. He took a vacation this weekend solo - had a picnic, swam with leaping salmon, and wants to go back there soon to take a moonlight kayak trip.

I'll be brief.

2005-09-05T21:05:00.000-05:00

Driving home tonight after spending the weekend at my grandparents' house on the lake, I got to thinking about the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The unspeakable tragedy had started to seep in somewhat, but after a lifetime of emotionally overreacting to huge human events, I knew better than to let myself get carried away.

However, that's exactly what I did. I started to imagine my house flooding. What if I had gone to the second floor with my dog and the water kept rising? What if I managed to slip out a window into the fetid water, but I couldn't get myself and the puppy to safety? What if, when we finally were able to claw our way onto someone's roof, it took days before someone came to rescue us? All that time we had to watch other people suffering in the same circumstances with nothing to drink or eat, nowhere to shelter or go to the bathroom? What if bodies floated by in the water?

Yes, my imagination got the better of me. As the National Guard, Army, and various police and rescue forces recover Katrina's dead over the next few days, they will undoubtedly encounter people who suffered as much or worse than I described.

Then, I started to wonder what I would do if disaster hit the area where I live and I was forced to flee for some reason. Thank God I have credit cards, a vehicle, and family to go to far from here. I would make it out somehow, even if I had to buy my way there. Thousands in the Gulf Coast area don't have those advantages. They had no transportation to leave when the evacuation was ordered. They had no credit cards to buy an emergency plane or bus ticket to safety. Now, they are told they will not be able to return to their homes for months. How are they supposed to live between now and then? Most were barely eking out a living before. Where will their children go to school?

For the first time in my memory, the United States has a considerable population of American refugees on its hands. Some of them will be sheltered beginning this week at Fort Custer - a little used Army post two hours from here. I don't know what plans the government and relief agencies have for them. People will need counseling, schools, clothing, laundry facilities, food, and a purpose.

That is why I am asking you to join me in giving. Every dollar we give will help comfort someone or rebuild their life. Many of the refugees who were the last out of New Orleans were black. They must've felt in the first few days, as the wheels of the government failed to respond, that they were forgotten. In a certain sense, they were. Let's show them now that we won't forget them, or any victim of tragedy, ever again.

CTFO

2005-09-02T08:35:00.000-05:00

This is in response to several folks who have written comments giving me various word's of advice - including "slow down".

Wow. I'm really not overthinking things, honest. You have to remember that reading this blog is like slicing off a portion of my head and peering inside.
As far as just going out with him already, he lives a three-hour plane ride away. Until I become independently wealthy, I'd like us to have as much information as possible about each other before either of us makes a multi-hundred dollar commitment to fly anywhere for a date. It's the polite and responsible thing to do.

For everyone who commented on my last post and on the post where I mentioned I was Googling him, think of it this way: when a girl really likes a guy, she spends hours thinking about him. I'm an information junkie, so, for me, this adolescent obsessiveness manifests itself in the form of Googling him.

Take a deep breath, folks, and remember that I am: a)relatively well-adjusted, b) a responsible teacher, c) a contributing member of society, d) completely sane in all the ways that count and happy to be insane in all the ways that don't count!

Who knew?

2005-09-01T04:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, countless emails later, he gets cooler and cooler. He taught accupressure to Mexican midwives. Groovy.

We also keep finding things that we have in common - we both have dogs that came from a rescue organization. We both fostered dogs for a rescue organization for awhile. We both mostly dislike Celine Dion, but we both like her French stuff. We seemingly both have a passion for living off the frum grid, so-to-speak - he lives in a teeny frum community so he can be closer to the outdoors.

And handy. Did I mention he's handy? A prime qualification since I've had it with DIY home repairs. I fixed my disgusting garbage disposal last week all by myself. I was pretty much willing to marry anyone for the first hour after that just so I wouldn't have to do it again. He's building his own bed.

So, I emailed M.H. and asked her if she'd call to check his references. I also asked her if he had filled out the personality survey portion of the SYAS profile - it's optional, so most people haven't. Turns out he's the same personality type as me: INFP. M.H. thinks this may be a clue to why our (mine and his) lives are so freakishly similar.

I got paranoid for about thirty minutes while I surfed the internet looking to see if two INFPs were really compatible. Then, I remembered that people have been getting married for a long time without the benefit of personality typing and I should really just chill out about all of it. Besides, if I were to marry him, at least I would have a basis for understanding him a little more. Maybe?

Plus, it would be a bonus to marry someone who actually got my hermit tendancies.

Now I'm just waiting for the results of the reference check. Hopefully he's not really a psychopath and is just a genuinely nice and interesting guy.

Chosson update

2005-08-30T04:55:00.000-05:00

After speaking on the phone, we decided to exchange emails since there's a fairly significant time difference. Over the first 24 hours, we've written four times. Not too shabby. In his last email, he asked THE question - why did you convert? Ok, it was technically his third communication overture to me. I suppose that the third time I spoke to someone on the phone, I would reasonably expect to answer that question (nevermind that I didn't take it from the Midwesterner who had sent me about a gazillion emails by that point).

In any case, I decided to go for the gusto - he got a more complete (and I hope more well-written) response than I would usually give. It was long, though. So far, no response. It takes time and thought to respond to a mulit-page email, though, so I'll wait it out.

I seem to be in a good-karma place the past few days (not sure what I did to deserve it). I found out yesterday that my roommate is moving out, got all that great stuff about Maine, had a delightful conversation with the aforementioned male, then, I turned on the TV and what is NBC showing? The Eagles Farewell Live tour. I almost fell out of my chair.

When I was in college, the Eagles were touring for the first time since I'd been a fan. I so badly wanted to go see the Hell Freezes Over tour. Sadly, my boyfriend couldn't afford the $100 tickets, so he bought me the album instead. Nevertheless, having Joe Walsh and the gang beamed into my living room as the sun was setting was the perfect finale to a nearly perfect day.

On top of it all, the kids at school are behaving quite nicely and my pseudo-favorite from last year finally came to say hello (he'd been mostly avoiding me since I knew he'd been a jerk to one of my other pseudo-favorites from last year). Yep, good karma.

I'm going to go daven.

I think I've found him.

2005-08-28T18:47:00.000-05:00

My soulmate called tonight.

It was cool and cloudy where he lives today so he spent the day tending his vegetable patch.

We talked about Jewish life in out-of-the-way places. He listened to me obsess about Maine and seemed genuinely pleased to do so.

I was cute and funny and asked good questions to get him to talk about himself.

We hung up because he had to feed his dog (she was barking insistently in the background).

M.H., I'm afraid I've already revealed too much on this blog and that anyone who knows him would already recognize him, but I will tell you that he's getting a doctoral degree in something very groovy.

(huge grin)

I think I've found it.

2005-08-28T13:18:00.000-05:00

I've become obsessed with Maine.

I just finished reading The Secret Life of Lobsters by Trevor Corson. I normally flee from reading anything that falls under the label 'non-fiction', but after hearing an interview with Corson on NPR's Diane Rehm Show and falling in love with coastal Maine after visiting a few weeks ago, I had to read it.

I highly recommend this book if you have any interest in either life in coastal Maine, lobsters, or wildlife conservation. Corson writes interestingly and intelligently. The book fed my newest addiction quite nicely.

Point? I was websurfing motzei Shabbos and typed "Jewish Maine" into the Google search box. The second hit was for a shul claiming that Bangor, Maine is "the USA's most northeast Orthodox Jewish Community".

Bangor is a small city of approximately 32,000. It's is a stone's throw from both Acadia National Park and Baxter State Park, home of Mt. Katahdin, terminus of the legendary Appalachian Trail.

Today, I was poking around a little more after returning from a trip to the park with the Stinky Dog. Let me tell you, folks, it only gets better. I surfed to the website of the Bangor Daily News and saw that this weekend the Bangor waterfront played host to the American Folk Festival.

Wilderness, frummies, and a folk festival? Somebody pinch me.

I won't tell you what nearly happened to me when I read this. Suffice to say, it involved heavy breathing and a racing pulse.

Oh Chosson, my Chosson, wherever you are, we are moving to Maine.

Anyone out there know anything about the Bangor community?

School Rant

2005-08-25T16:45:00.000-05:00

School started yesterday. I'm exhausted. I went to bed at 9:30 last night and still slept through my alarm this morning (thank goodness not long enough to make me late for work). Ugh.

It's easy to forget over the summer how mentally taxing it is to run a classroom. Especially the first few weeks of school when the kids are testing to see how much they can get away with. This particular class has a bit of a reputation as lazy and obnoxious. Joy.

Things were better today than yesterday, however. I think I know all 60 of their names. It will take a while to firmly implant in their heads that we, in fact, are in charge - not them.

I know I sound like an ogre - I felt a little like one yesterday, too.

The bright spot in my day? Dozens of last years students screaming their heads off when our (my teaching partner and my) pictures were shown during the start-of-school assembly. I've gotten dozens of hugs and high-fives in the halls this week. I miss them all terribly and wish we could pick up where we left off in June.

The question that runs through my brain: can we turn this year's class into a similar type of cohesive unit or will we struggle every day? It took until October last year to bond with the students in a meaningful way. It's actually an interesting story, but I'm too tired to tell it. Maybe next time.

Even a blind squirrel gets the acorn once in awhile

2005-08-23T19:38:00.000-05:00

Remember the poet-gardener who moved away from the city because he needed to be near the outdoors? My soulmate?

He said yes.

I suppose he'll call sometime soon. Until then, I'm off to Google-stalk him.

Speaking of Google-stalking - doesn anyone else do this to potential dates?

I feel a little guilty knowing that I'm virtually impossible to Google-stalk. Even if you know my middle name, my English first and last names are among the most common in North America. In the teeny-tiny hospital where I was born, there was another baby born a few days before me with the exact same name. Not kidding.

Safety in banality, I suppose.

Blog-spammed

2005-08-22T15:37:00.000-05:00

Just a short note to apologize to anyone who normally comments anonymously... This morning I woke up to 10 new comments attached to my previous post - none of which were on topic and all of which were selling something or another. So, I changed my commenting options. I'd still love to hear from those with legitimate, on-issue comments, but you'll have to log in now.

In the mean time, here's a lovely picture to look at from my trip to Mackinac Island this spring.

Chosson hunt continues

2005-08-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

Here's the down-and-dirty update:

After I got rid of Eeyore, I somehow was dumped by the New Yorker. Neither I nor M.H. quite knows what happened. I sent him a very harmless email and never heard from him again. Maybe he just got 'busy' (for you non-frummies, it means perhaps he's dating someone else). Fine.

Then, M.H. found another round of guys on SYAS. They all sound sweet, but one stood out. He's from the Northwest - he moved out there so he could be closer to outdoorsy pursuits. He writes poetry and loves his garden. He likes to travel and get to know the people who live there. My soulmate? Quite possibly.

So, what's the hangup? I accepted the suggestion immediately figuring that M.H. had run it by him before mentioning it to me (as she usually does). When I logged on tonight, I saw that the match had only been approved by me (it would say 'approved by both' if he had gotten it first). Disclaimer: this is not an indictment of M.H. She works very hard trying to get all of us lonely souls married off. I suspect that this guy has stipulated in his profile that he wants the woman to be asked first. Chaval for me.

Now, I'm steeling myself for the disappointment. I really don't think I've set my ideals too high. For all that I go on about what type of guy I want, I'm describing a mentsch. I'm a little hung up on not wanting to live in or near NYC, but other than that I just want a garden-variety nice, smart guy.

I have a friend who has been setting her sights a little high (if I can say so without throwing stones at my own glass house). She is as average looking as the rest of us, though she truly has a sparkling personality and is very warm and charming. Nevertheless, she persists in wanting to be set up with hunky doctors and lawyers. They always turn her down. It's hard to see her disappointed time after time, but I worry that saying something to her would cause irreversible damage to her self-esteem, to say nothing of our friendship. I'm 99% sure she doesn't read this blog, so I feel comfortable asking your opinion on this matter. To speak or not to speak?

My PG Blog

2005-08-20T22:03:00.000-05:00

I've been blog-surfing tonight. Outside of the frum world (and even inside), I found some blogs that are very edgy. People are living lives out there that make mine seem like Camelot. I feel right now like the girls in high school who still pegged their jeans and wore Winnie-the-Pooh oversized sweatshirts and bubble-gum flavored lipgloss.

Not that I aspire to writing about hangovers and one-night stands. I guess I'm used to an edgier reputation - I'm the only person in my social group who can use the f-word eight times in a single sentence (and do, if provoked). Yet, I have, quite happily, created a cotton candy world for myself both at home and here in the blogosphere. Fuck.

In some small and mostly insignificant way, I'm jealous of these drama queen bloggers who live life in the fast lane and then blog about it so eloquently to a readership of thousands.

Ah well, there is virtue in being virtuous.

Amazing Maine

2005-08-19T13:28:00.000-05:00

I was struck by how much New England (Maine included) looks like Northern Michigan. Each place we traveled to had a slightly different feel (Massachusetts felt a lot like Europe), but geographically, they were nearly identical.

Maine, for example, has this whole culture of lobster fishing. At the campground where we stayed, you could order a lobster in the morning from the proprietor (caught in his own traps) for your supper that evening.

Northern Michigan definitely has a whole fresh-fish thing, but I don't know anyone who catches commercially. Nearly everywhere we drove in coastal Maine, lobster traps lay stacked in yards of normal-looking homes. Yet, whitefish and perch in Northern Michigan restaurants are as ubiquitous as lobster are in Maine restaurants.

Anyway, here are a few photo highlights from the trip:

The lighthouse at Cape Newaygen, Boothbay Harbor, Maine.

Dinghies at the dock.

Lobster traps in a yard on Southport Island.

The Stinky Dog waiting in line for Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream in Freeport, Maine (home of the L.L. Bean Flagship store).

A field of sunflowers against the Green Mountains outside Shaw's Grocery in Stowe, Vermont.

Come and Gone

2005-08-19T02:37:00.000-05:00

What, you ask?

Why, my birthday, of course. At the stroke of 8:24 p.m. on Thursday, August 18, I turned 30. Now, my Hebrew birthday (11 Elul) isn't until September... We hold on to what we still have, I guess.

In any case, thirty doesn't feel so different than twenty-nine (surprise, surprise).

The trip was truly delightful. I discovered two things:

1) There are no kosher restaurants anywhere I want to be.
2) I don't want to be anywhere where there are kosher restaurants (on vacation, at least).

We camped in Harold Parker State Forest after walking the entire Freedom Trail in Boston. We set up the tent and decided to hunt for something to eat. Neither of us wanted to drive all the way back to Brookline and deal with Boston traffic again. We did find a kosher deli in Peabody. The man was very nice - he even offered to pack us up a picnic to go of chicken and potato salad. I really just wanted to sit and be waited on. Ugh.

Then we went to Maine. Maine deserves its very own entry complete with pictures. Two words: oceanfront camping. Wow.

Ok, it's way too late. We drove all the way from Vermont today. I need to go to bed, but I'm still caffeinated from our Tim Horton's trip in Niagara.

Done

2005-08-11T15:44:00.000-05:00

So I spoke with M.H., shadchan to the stars, today. After much careful consideration and a lot of whining and complaining (on my part), she said, "Maybe you shouldn't go out with him (Eeyore)." She further explained how she hadn't been particularly enamored with him when she spoke on the phone with him, either. We agreed that I would put my hishtadlus-energy into something else (chosson-shopping, anyone?).

(Huge sigh of relief).

How did I get here?

2005-08-11T10:04:00.000-05:00

Work on my book has utterly stalled. I began this project in February with a great amount of enthusiasm - the first three chapters pretty much wrote themselves. Since then, however (and I'm now on Chapter 12 - 68 pages into the book) it has been like trudging through an enormous snowbank. I can see glimpses of the image, but I'm not 'in the moment' - living, breathing, feeling what the main character is feeling. Nevertheless, I shoveled on - gaining some ground, but not any inspiration for where the story is going to go.

Today, I took several hours to look at photographs online of locations that likely ressembled my invented land. A few minutes ago, I had a breakthrough. I've been trying to tell too much of the story too quickly. For goodness sake, I've written 68 pages and the real journey hasn't even started yet! So, I'm going back to that third chapter to pick up the thread from there. I won't throw out the rest - it may appear in book two or at the end of book one. We'll see.

Why am I telling you this? Because it's on my mind and has pleasantly distracted me from thinking about my pending date with Eeyore.

So here's the big shaila of the day. Am I a huge bitch or he is acting really desperate?

Here's the situation:
After our sad and sorry conversation on Sunday where I played shrink (He asked me the absolutely off-limits question of a first phone call - why did you convert?. So, I shot back with an equally personal and probing question of my own that got him worked into such a frenzy I had to talk him down.), he called me Monday morning. I don't answer the phone during my morning writing block, so he left a voicemail. He called again Monday afternoon. Monday evening, I sent an email saying that I needed to sort through some details before we made plans to meet.

He called again yesterday - first my home phone, then my cell phone. I was in the bookstore and had my phone turned off. I did call him back when I was done, however. The whole conversation irritated me. He kepts suggesting places to meet and I kept saying "I know nothing about Boston. I have no idea where you're talking about." Finally, I asked him to pick a place and send me an email with the exact directions. He started exaplaining to me exactly how to get there. "Look,"I said, "I'm in the car and can't write anything down. I'll never remember what you're telling me!" He agreed to send an email. I closed the conversation as quickly as possible.

So, this has turned into a hishtadlus date. I'm going on a vacation that I have dreamed about for years and the first day has turned into a major stressor. Shit.

Am I just being cranky and issue-avoidant or am I right to be irritated by all this?

Avoidance

2005-08-09T22:35:00.000-05:00

As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder...

I have so much to tell you - where to begin?

I'm going in to school tomorrow to put the room in order. Sigh. I really am ready to go back. This year promises a whole boat-load of new responsibilties, though. Not only am I the union rep for our building, but I also am heir-apparent to the big seventh grade field trip. Sigh. Me, who so likes simplicity and who is SO lazy. Sigh.

Remember the two SYAS prospects that M.H. sent my way? Here's the update.

The New Yorker is, I believe, working on coming here so we can go out (or so he said. Twice). He moved this past weekend, so I'm cutting him some slack.

Eeyore (formerly Dr. Math). Yes, everyone's favorite pessimistic donkey is on the shidduch scene. We had one conversation that was a little disturbing. Nevertheless, I was willing to believe that he was just having a bad day and I agreed to talk on the phone with him again this week. Then, we discovered that we're both going to be in the same part of the country next week and he suggested we go out. Might as well.

As I mentioned, I'm going on a last-week-of-summer whirlwind roadtrip next week. The itinerary is shaping up nicely. Stinky Dog, myself, and one of our favorite traveling companions are taking New England by storm:

Monday: Boston and the Freedom Trail
Tuesday: Salem, Lexington & Concord; Portland, ME
Wednesday: Central VT and folk/rock concert
Thursday: Fort Ticonderoga and Niagara Falls
Friday: Home in time for Shabbos!

Now, for several hundred unofficial coolness points, anyone want to guess what I teach in school (give as much detail as you can)?

I'll try to blog from the road if at all possible. Seeing as how I'm somewhat of an outdoorsy type, we're rustic camping the whole trip (except for the showers and public restrooms in the state parks, that is...).

Advice

2005-08-03T22:39:00.000-05:00

I suppose I'm just in an advice-giving mood today. Have you ever had a day where you feel, if not precisely on-top-of-the-world, then at least Supremely Competent? Today is that day.

I rose early this morning to begin cooking, baking, and cleaning out my grandmother's refrigerator. Ten hours later, I had made a kick-butt BBQ glaze, corn bread, potato salad, a blueberry-peach pie, and chocolate chip cookies! In between all this, I conducted several different conversations online and managed to swim a few laps around the raft before my aunt and uncle arrived.

I know. I'm easily entertained.

Speaking of, this brings me to the advice section of our column this evening:

If you are filling out a SYAS or Frumster profile and they ask you to list your hobbies, do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES list your hobbies as 'watching DVDs and playing video/online games'.

Many of us watch DVDs. Some of us (mostly males?) play video games, etc. EVERYONE can manage to find something better to do with themselves, especially on paper. If not, make something up. The Tailor used to have 'Rodeo Clowning' under 'Hobbies' on his Frumster profile. Problems arose when hapless women took him seriously.

Anyway, just some helpful hints from your friends here at Chosson Hunt.

The Beastie

2005-08-02T11:33:00.000-05:00

Thought you might enjoy a cute picture of the Stinky Dog having her afternoon nap:

Stinky Dog and Other Highlights from the drive Up North

2005-07-31T18:16:00.000-05:00

I drove Up North today to spend five days with the family. My dog really needs a bath. She insisted on laying her stinky, slobbery head on my shifting arm the entire four-hour trip. When we arrived, she promptly jumped into the lake (see picture several entries down), which didn't do much to improve her olfactory appeal.

I also made some shidduchim phone calls. My cell phone is out-of-range up here, so I wanted to see if the two SYAS guys wanted to email this week instead of trying to talk on the phone.

The first guy, whom I'll refer to as Dr. Math, wasn't home, so I left him a message with my email address. Apparently he called M.H. after this to say that his computer was down and he probably wouldn't be able to email this week. Better luck next week. I'll try giving him a call on my way home Friday morning.

Bachelor #2, the New Yorker who slipped through from two entries ago, called me on Friday to wish me Good Shabbos. This was after our ill-fated and thoroughly mediocre phone conversation on Wednesday. I was impressed. The goofy laugh and half-stutter suddenly became a little cute instead of irritating. I called him back today and we chatted briefly - I gave him my email address, I hope he writes.

Have a delightful first week of August, everyone!

Dream a Little Dream

2005-07-29T13:33:00.000-05:00

I had a brief conversation with another blogger today about escaping from life in the city/suburbs.

Why is it that nearly all Jewish communities are in cities or suburbs? Sure, I understand the need to be close to a minyan and close to good schools. But, why doesn't anyone ever gather a few families and move to a small town somewhere?

I've talked to so many people over the last few years who have expressed a desire to move away from our suburban community in favor of a small-town existence. Maybe they weren't serious.

I'm very serious.

I grew up in a small town on the shores of one of the Great Lakes. I love life up there - the pace is slower, people are friendly, there's plenty to do - skiing in winter and water in the summer (see the pictures a few posts down). On top of all that, it's a resort community - thousands of people come in and out of there every summer - so there's a fair amount of culture and the locals are used to having different people around.

I'd give almost anything to move back up there.

Think about it. If enough families moved up there, we could have a small school. No doubt English teachers would be easy enough to find. I'm sure we could sort out kodesh teachers and send the older kids away for high school, if necessary.

I've thought all this through. Seriously.

Oh well, a girl can dream, can't she?

SJF seeks SJM for quiet life in the country.

The First Phone Call

2005-07-26T23:14:00.000-05:00

Today, I'd like to discuss the out-of-town dating phenomenon known as the First Phone Call.

You see, unlike you lovely New York types, we here in the hinterlands cannot dash off to the nearest kosher restaurant or café to meet our dates. Most of the time, our dates live a plane ride away. So, instead of a First Date, we have its poor bastard cousin, the First Phone Call.

I've been trying to figure out what to make of F.P.C.s for the past two years. My best conclusion so far? They are almost universally useless.

Case in point #1: I had a phenomenal first phone call with the Israeli. We were witty and funny, yet we still managed to discuss some serious issues. The result? One glance at me on our first date and he decided I wasn't his 'look'.

Oy. All that wasted time and money.

Case in point #2: I had a very mediocre F.P.C. today with a gentleman from NYC. I had vowed not to date any more of you, but somehow he slipped through the radar. Perhaps it was the good impression he made on M.H. or his cute first phone message. I don't know. Whatever happened, I was prepared to like this guy. Yet, the phone call was mediocre - so mediocre, in fact, that I'm not sure I'd want to talk to him again. There just wasn't any Connection.

What if a mediocre F.P.C. could lead to a fabulous First Date? Is it worth the risk?

I wish there was a Supreme Court-style litmus test for First Phone Calls - you score over 50 and advance to First Date. Under 50? Better luck next time.

Maybe it's me. Am I screwing this up?

Ain't that the question of the century.

Sauna

2005-07-25T16:46:00.000-05:00

My long-held anti-airconditioning views may be wavering. Last night (after the post-fast feast of homemade deepdish pizza), I went to bed at 12:30. A normal summer temperature at this time of the evening? 71ish. Temp last night? 88 degrees Fahrenheit. Heat index (what it actually felt like) according to www.weather.com? 101 degrees Fahrenheit.

That's right. You try sleeping in a sauna. My poor dog panted all night. I'll be sleeping in the musty, yet cool, basement tonight, thank you very much.

Not so much new on the shidduch scene. M.H. found me two decent guys on SYAS - I may possibly be getting phone calls from both tonight. I think I should take notes.

I ditched the Midwesterner. The final hammer blow? He asked if my parents were "upper-middle class WASPs, middle class, or working class". Hmm. How about "none of your damn business"?

I can't tell if it's the heat, the fasting, or the shidduchim that are bringing out my worst-behaved, crankiest side. I suspect it's stress brought on by shidduchim with a little bit of fasting and heat stroke sprinkled in.

That cabin in the woods in the upper peninsula is looking better all the time. Yo ho, yo ho, the hermit life for me.

Who doesn't get it?

2005-07-20T22:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I drop 20 lbs., and suddenly I'm back among the living.

Guys don't even recognize that you're human when you're fat. You might as well be an overstuffed piece of furniture. I suppose they're hardwired like that, but it's a little disconcerting all the same. Am I strange to want to be admired for my brains and charming personality?

It feels nice to get noticed again, but at the same time I feel like a piece of meat. Like the poetry guy who kept telling me how he "understood " me - it's just weird. It's not like I was going to fly to New York and sleep with him. What was he hoping to accomplish with all that drivel? I don't know of a single self-respecting female who would fall for it.

It's stalker week. I'm stalking the Inspector - secretly hoping his date didn't go well, all the while wondering if he made up the story about the date to let me down easy...

I'm being stalked by a random from Brooklyn (not poetry guy) - he sent me three messages after I very nicely told him we weren't a good match. I even wrote him a personal message - not the stock autoreply message Frumster furnishes.

I'm also being stalked by the Midwesterner who tells me that my messages are too brief and he doesn't have a good sense of who I am. This would be fine, but it's a transparent cry for an email because I haven't written to him now in (gasp) 36 whole hours. I should send him the blog address.

New guy on the horizon (yay, MH - she got her SYAS credentials this week and hit the phones like a woman on a mission!) - he gets major bonus points for calling at an appropriate time (9:00 p.m.) and for sounding cute and nervous. Too bad I'm out of town and can't call him back until Sunday.

Can you really tell what someone is like from their Frumster/SYAS profile? I've been looking at profiles that have nothing overtly wrong with them - I just have a gut feeling that it's a bad idea.

What if my bashert just isn't very good at PR?

Revisiting the profile

2005-07-17T15:16:00.000-05:00

I spent last night (motzei Shabbos) totally revamping my Frumster profile. Like the former Soviet Union under Gorbachev, I have embarked on a policy of glasnost - openness. I even posted a full-body picture (gasp).

How does one deal with physical imperfections on Frumster or SYAS? I've only been looking at guys' profiles (obviously) and no one seems to have any. Of course, it's not such a big deal if a guy has a beer gut - many women are able to see past that.

I got sick of meeting guys who expect everyone to be stick-woman. So, everything's there - big hips and all - you even get a view of my living room and a taste of my decorating style ;) One-stop shopping.

I guess now I wait.

In other Frumster news... My friend, M.H., had been surfing Frumster looking for potentials - last week she sent me approximately 25 profiles. I deleted some and emailed some. By erev Shabbos, I was corresponding with seven men from around the world.

On motzei Shabbos, we decided to 'cull the herd' - send polite responses to the guys who had already a) freaked me out by sending me 15 poems and writing things like "I understand you" (Note: Gentleman out there, there's no possible way you can 'understand' someone you've exchanged three emails with. Save the bad poetry until we're already in love.), b) shown a remarkable lack of respect for the English language (even though born in the USA), or c) responded shortly and curtly and withoutmuch interesting to say.

We managed to get it down to two men. One (we'll call him the Inspector), I was very interested in - he had already proven himself to be funny, witty, and down-to-earth. The other (the Midwesterner) almost didn't make the cut, but I didn't know enough about him yet to outright reject him.

This is sounding really bitchy, isn't it?

In any case, I had an email from the Inspector this morning saying that he wanted to stop email communication for now since he had a date tonight with a girl he had been talking to. Ugh.

It feels so close - just beyond my grasp. Back to the drawing board, yet again.

I did it

2005-07-12T21:14:00.000-05:00

I finally renewed my Frumster membership. Nebby? Yep. Desperate? Maybe.

I went chosson-shopping tonight. It's just weird. It's a little like ordering from a catalogue. You pick out what you want and when you call the store, they're out of the size/color you need. At least with SYAS, someone else does the ordering for you. It's rejection on a slightly less personal level. :)

Do we ever really know what we want? I think I do. I more have a picture in my head of what I want my life to look like. I guess the trick is finding someone whose vision of the future matches up at the key points.

For example: I want a house with a big backyard where I will be Mother Earth and grow lots of flowers and vegetables and tend our muddy, rosy-cheeked children. I want my husband to sing zemiros at the Shabbos table with our guests and sit with a sefer on Shabbos afternoon. He should learn as often as he can, but not be pretentious or overly dogmatic about it.

I'll cook and clean, he'll fix things. I'll iron his shirts lovingly and he'll bring me flowers and whisper how much he loves me in my ear.

We'll go walking and biking and sailing and camping together and delight in just sitting and talking after the kids are asleep.

Does Prince Charming really exist?

Summer as it should be...

2005-07-10T16:18:00.000-05:00

Why do I hate NYC so much? Perhaps this will help you understand.

You asked me to put more about myself into the blog. This is it. This is me. This is where I'm from and where my heart lives.

The view from the hammock. Any wonder my favorite colors are green and blue?

2005-07-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how much energy simply contemplating the whole shidduch process takes. It's basically what I think about night and day.

The newest prospect is a friend's friend's brother-in-law. My friend seems excited, but her friend thinks that the brother-in-law might be a little flaky. I'm relatively indifferent at this point. We'll dub him BIL (brother-in-law) for the time being. I'll keep you posted.

The other newest prospect is a friend of this same friend's friend. Aaagghh! Apparently he is a real mensch and is a great pie-baker. I'm slightly reluctant because it appears that he's shorter than me. At least that's what his frumster profile says. I can probably safely assume that he's even shorter since just about eveyrone I know bends the truth to make themselves a more attractive prospect on frumster. And he claims to be chassidishe. Hmm. Maybe not.

Well, I'm off to the grocery store for mundane things like eggs and flour. My wonderful friend M.H. took her kids berry picking today and they are bringing me tart cherries and raspberries. A cherry-berry pie looms in my future...

Anti-negativity

2005-07-04T23:32:00.000-05:00

I reread the last few blog-posts and I feel like this blog has taken on a decidedly negative slant. So, today, I'm only going to blog about happy things.

I went canoeing for five hours today with some awesome people - nothing beats lazily floating down a beautiful river in a boat with one of your best friends in the world. It was so nice to catch up.

Tomorrow, I get to chaperone the rescheduled trip to the wavepool with four of my favorites from last year. In a moment of sheer wickedness, I emailed the little darlings a 4th of July social studies quiz, promising them a surprise if they sent it back to me filled in correctly. :) They're all geeks (I keep good company), so I had many back within the hour. Now I have to figure out what the surprise will be.

Home. Home is good. Home is the place where I feel like a Human Being. Like a Contributing Member of Society. I mowed my virgin grass for the first time yesterday - it's only been a month since we spread twelve cubic yards of dirt around my pock-marked front yard. Fresh green grass is especially invigorating.

My friend Pauline agreed to go with me to Boston in mid-August for the week after Tisha B'Av. Roadtrip. Camping along the way. SMILE.

Natasha, my lab-pointer mutt, was so happy to see me when I got home yesterday that she peed all over herself. Gross, yet heartwarming.

Finally, it's been raining and thunderstorming for the past four hours. This means that Hashem is footing the bill for watering my lawn today AND airconditioning my house (rain causes drafts).

Ok, enough happiness for now. It's bedtime.

I'm so done with this.

2005-07-03T16:33:00.000-05:00

Warning: female venting ahead

At least my trip to NYC and environs has led me to some conclusions. Let's call them the
Modern Midwestern Girl's Guide to Shidduch Dating:

1) It costs a huge amount of money, time, and effort to travel to NYC for a date - not only for me, but for my friends who hosted me at their apartment for five days.

2) As a female, traveling in for a date made me feel nebby and desperate - definitely not beautiful, talented, and worthy.

3) In the Jewish world, women don't pursue men. I am a product of modern times, but even I feel in my gut that it's wrong for a girl to travel to go out on a first date with a guy. Is chivalry dead when it comes to out-of-town girls?

4) Unless circumstances are extenuating, I will no longer travel in for first dates. However, I will willingly split airfare with someone so he can travel to me.

5) Make sure that you have adequate physical expectations of each other before you go through the time, expense, and stress of going out. I spent $250+ for the Israeli to take one look at me and decide I wasn't his type (nevermind his chipped front tooth and beer gut). I know, I know - don't lecture an anonymous blogger about loshon hara or ahavas yisroel. You don't know him or me - what do you care?

6) A friend and I were discussing the difficult dating circumstances for ba'al teshuva guys who are kohanim - they can only marry women who have never been married, haven't slept with any non-Jewish guys, and who aren't converts. This narrows the ba'alas teshuva field down to very few girls. My friend had some wonderful words of wisdom as I was saying, "poor kohanim guys". She said, "H-shem makes sure their bashert meets all the criteria. He wouldn't make my bashert a kohen."

The moral of the story is: Hashem wouldn't make my bashert a selfish bastard who would refuse to split a plane ticket to fly in to date me.

7) It's okay to vent to keep the bitterness from building up. In the morning, you can approach ahavas yisroel with renewed energy and focus. Keep a blog for these purposes.

Venting complete.

You

2005-07-01T10:06:00.000-05:00

בס״ד
You
I don’t know you
but your spirit is already
with me
Not the details of you
the shadow above
your eyes
and the grace of
your fingers
soft words spilling from
your lips
stay hidden
Yet you are here
energy without form
you
next to me on the couch
you
across from me at the dinner table
you
watering the flowers in the front
while I
cut the grass in the back
who are you?
You
calling me to the phone
you
whispering in
my ear
your arm around
my waist
warm breath on the hollow of
my neck
rough hand gently cupping
my face
just out of reach
I wait

Massive Irritation

2005-07-01T09:40:00.000-05:00

Yes, it wasn't good.

We met for coffee last night. Right away I could see that he had already mentally checked out of the situation.

I also felt no connection to him. Nevertheless, it hurts to be dismissed so immediately and so completely.

We were going to go out again today. When I woke up this morning, I half wanted to call him and cancel the plans. He beat me to it.

Rejection, even from someone you're not attracted to or invested in, is painful.

I've constructed a wall around myself. It used to be only knee high, but pretty soon I won't be able to see over it any more. What will I do then?

I don't know how much longer Hashem expects me to stand this before I give up and build myself a cabin in the woods miles from another human being.

So, I've spent over $200 to spend five days in a city I hate and I have nothing to show for it.

I'm so irritated. Random curse words are trying to slip past my slips, but I have no one to say them to so I'll hold them in for now.

Why? When? Who?

Maybe I'll just stay single.

Too muggy to blog

2005-06-26T19:48:00.000-05:00

Ok, it's hot and sticky and I'm not in the mood to blog, but I'll give you this short update. I AM going to NYC this week and I have a date with the Israeli on Wednesday. Used Car guy is going out of town so I won't be meeting him this trip, but hopefully I can make some good connections while I'm there.

I had an interesting conversation on Shabbos with a woman in the community here. I hardly know her, but she seems kind and sweet. I mentioned that I was going to try to schedule two dates with separate guys for the same trip. She was very much against this idea - how can you focus completely on the first date when you know you'll be seeing a different guy tomorrow night?

Is this an okay practice?

At this point, I've decided it is. I'm clearly not in the dating world for the first time - I've had lots of experience and, at my advanced age, people tend to be very guarded on first and second dates.

In any case, it won't be an issue on this trip.

Tag, you're it.

2005-06-21T14:19:00.000-05:00

I was online surfing other Jewish blogs (and there are some great ones out there) when the Israeli (you remember: "Go out now and throw some trash in the street") called.

I was surprisingly happy to hear his message. What gives? You don't call for Two Weeks and I'm still happy to hear from you? Go figure.

A trip to NYC has once again become imminent as I now have two potential dates. Another suggestion who also lives in the greater NY area called and left a message. I don't know anything about this guy yet, but I'll call him Used Car Guy since his name sounds like it should be adorning a used car dealership.

When is Shavuos?

2005-06-20T12:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I've been sitting on this post for over a week now between yom tov and getting into somewhat of a summer groove. But, I'm glad I waited because it got even better at 11:35 p.m. yesterday.

I had a suggestion from SYAS about six weeks ago. The guy lives somewhere in the western U.S. and looked pretty good on paper - FFB who had gone off and then come back, but interesting. Whatever. It was not something to say 'no' to.

He finally got around to calling last Sunday (erev Shavuos) around 2:00 p.m. This is how our conversation played out. I'll call him "Yeshiva" Boy because he told me his parents had sent him to yeshiva his whole life. This becomes important.

"Yeshiva" Boy: So what are you doing today?
Me: Oh, you know, cleaning up from Shabbos and getting ready for yom tov.
YB: Wow! You're getting ready for Shabbos already?
Me: No, I'm cleaning up from Shabbos and getting ready for yom tov.
YB: Yom tov?
Me: Yeah, you know, Shavuos?
YB: Oh. Well, it's not a real yom tov, is it? I mean, my rabbi wants me to come learn all night with him, but I was going to drive over.
Me: No, you can't. Listen, you're really freaking me out - how do you not know about Shavuos?
YB: Well, I live pretty far from the Orthodox community - too far to walk. It's too bad I didn't know earlier that it was yom tov. I could've arranged to get the day off of work. But, there's no one there today and I can't just not show up...
Me: Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

So, you see the issue. I was so flabbergasted by the whole conversation that I neglected to tell him he shouldn't call me again. I decided to wait and give him the news when and if he called again. In the meantime, I emailed someone at SYAS about his clearly misleading profile...

Fastforward to last night at 11:35. I was peacefully asleep on my couch (my mother was visiting and sleeping in my bed) when the phone rang. I picked up on the fourth ring:

Me: Hello?
YB: Hi! It's ___________ from (insert western state here)! How are you?
Me: It's 11:35 here.
YB: Yeah, I'm sorry to call so late. What have you been up to?
Me: Can I talk to you another time?
YB: Oh! I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up! I'll call you next weekend.
Me: Whatever. Goodbye.

If nothing else, at least shidduchim are interesting.

A Chosson Hunt 2005 Primer

2005-06-16T14:29:00.000-05:00

In the past few weeks I've had several people post comments or email me asking me to provide more information about myself. I also let it slip to some non-Jewish friends that I was keeping a blog. This post will address both of these groups.

When I started this blog, I wanted somewhere to vent my feelings in an honest way about shidduchim (dating in the Orthodox community). While I appreciate readers of this blog who want to set me up with their son, neighbor's son, friend's husband's daughter's ex-boyfriend, et cetera, I'm not entirely comfortable adding too many details about myself on this site. I truly think it will impact my ability to write candidly and honestly about my experiences.

I will say this: I'm an Orthodox Jewish giyores (convert). I will only date Orthodox Jewish (frum) guys. So, if you still want to set me up with your brother's uncle's business partner's son, please send me an email at chossonhunt2005@yahoo.com

Now, my dear and wonderful non-Jewish friends who, for some reason, wanted to read this blog... This is your shidduchim and frum-speak dictionary. Please feel free to let me know if additional explanation is needed.

Pronunciation note: the 'ch' in Hebrew and Yiddish is a cross between the English 'k' and 'h'. If you are pronouncing it correctly, it should sound like something gross is subtly stuck in your throat.

A note on translations: these are not scientific definitions. They are my definitions as I understand them. Please let me know if you feel I've made a gross (as in the opposite of small) error in any of them.

baal teshuva - someone who became religious later in life
bashert - the person you will marry and live happily-ever-after with
Chassidishe - Hassidic (i.e. the guys with the curly sidelocks)
Chassidus - Hassidism
chesed - volunteer work (literally: kindness)
chosson - groom (i.e. the opposite of bride)
frum - Orthodox Jewish
hashkafa - outlook - classification within the Orthodox world
machmir - strict
Rav - a rabbi
Shabbos - the Sabbath
shadchan - someone who makes a shidduch between two people
Shas - the Talmud
shidduch - a date or "match"(of the Fiddler on the Roof variety). Plural: shidduchim.
Yichus - status - how important your family is and has been to the world of Orthodox Jewry
Yid - Jew
yom tov - holiday (Passover = yom tov)

Happy reading!

No news isn't necessarily good news

2005-06-11T21:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I've had a communication breakdown in about a gazillion ways.

First of all, I fried my laptop this week while watering my newly topsoiled, newly seeded lawn. The water came right through the open window onto my running computer. Sizzle. So, now the nice tech guys at school are trying to fix it for me. Here's to hoping they're successful, since the laptop is integral to my plan to write full-time this summer.

Second communication breakdown? I haven't heard from the Israeli in over a week. The nebuch side of me says that he's probably been busy, doesn't feel it's appropriate to speak on the phone too many times before meeting in person, et cetera. Realistically? I probably said something a little too heart-on-my-sleeve-ish during our last conversation and it wigged him out. Oh well. A date doesn't necessarily look likely at this point.

Third? I finished teaching this week and have been beside myself at leaving this class behind. We had a truly amazing year.

So, between the laptop and being weepy over my seventh graders, I've been out of commission. But, I suspect that this will work out, since I imagine most of you out there won't be checking the blog over Shavuos...

Gut yom tov. Enjoy your cheesecake.

A Big Part of the Problem

2005-06-02T19:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, I need some advice. I've never been very good at romantic relationships (still 29 and single, right?) and part of the problem has always been getting too attached way too soon. I realize this and yet am powerless to stop it. The result? My heart gets broken very easily.

So, what is the answer? I try to remind myself in the initial stages of a shidduch that I'm working on developing a friendship. Yet, I still find myself imagining a life with that person and I get attached to that image.

Scary, I know.

Anyone have a surefire way to stop this desperate and unhealthy cycle? Any tips and tricks for thinking about those first few dates when you're just getting to know each other?

Personal Statements

2005-05-31T21:56:00.000-05:00

The personal statement can make or break a suggested shidduch.

For each online dating service, you complete a questionnaire when you sign up. You check off little boxes and fit yourself into various categories (slim, average, zaftig, modern-machmir, chassidishe, just plain frum). Finally, when you reach the end of all the forms, they want you to write a personal statement or sometimes two - one describing yourself and one describing your bashert.

You can be the right height, have the right political and hashkafic outlook, agree with me on whether or not you want to watch movies at home, but it all comes down to the personal statement - that paragraph or two (longer if you're self-involved) that might just let an inkling of your actual personality slip through.

The personal statement is everything. Every suggestion I have ever rejected has been on the basis of someone's personal statement. And I've read enough of them at this point to see some trends developing.

Trend #1 - The Resume
This personal statement lists all of the halachic accomplishments of its writer down to the tiniest detail. I read one yesterday where the guy actually listed how many times he visited his grandmother, on average, over the past few months and how many times he drove the rabbi around.

Trend #2 - Yichus
This personal statement reads like a horse-breeders' magazine. "My great-grandmother was married to the Brisker Rav's son-in-law's brother. Her daughters all married rabbis who had memorized Shas by the age of ten."

Trend #3 - Relatively normal baal teshuva
This personal statement reads just like you would expect it to. "I want to meet an attractive woman who has wonderful middos. I want to have a Shabbos table full of guests. I have a decent sense of humor and will take wonderful care of my future wife."

Now, strangely enough, in a world where people often try to out-do eachother in order to stand out from the crowd, it's the normal personal statement that catches my attention. Is it normal these days to want a normal husband and a normal life? I don't know. But, I do offer this piece of advice, be human - not a descendent of your chashuv relatives or a list of chesed organizations to which you belong.

I told a friend recently that while I'm mediocre at lots of things, I'm great at being human.

Aggressively normal SJF seeks same in SJM.

Update

2005-05-30T22:32:00.000-05:00

Phone call accomplished and enjoyed. We had a long conversation about Israel and my fear (?) surrounding it - fear of making my mother have an anxiety attack and fear on my own part for my safety there. He was very real about this and didn't dismiss my fears at all (at least not verbally). He agreed that he would avoid taking buses at all costs and avoid large crowds of people. Why am I writing about this? It was actually a depressing and nerve-wracking conversation since the usual reaction to my fear of going to Israel is to push me even harder to do it. He didn't.

***

Dating is stressful and other Whiny Thoughts

2005-05-30T21:20:00.000-05:00

So, I'm sitting here avoiding calling back Suggestion #1 (let's call him "the Israeli"). I'll call him eventually tonight, but why am I avoiding it? He's funny. He's smart. He listens to what I say. I have been completely real with him on the phone, so why am I avoiding?

I have no answer to this question. Dating stresses me out. I'm stuck in a limbo between wanting to be aloof about the whole thing, and being true to myself. True to myself means that I let myself get excited and worked up over the prospect that this could work - the same way I always feel when a new possibility is presented to me until I find a reason it won't.

I suppose this real me - the one who wears her heart in fine detail on her sleeve - could be viewed as foolish. Maybe this would be correct. But the real me gets burned a whole lot more often than the aloof person I'm trying to be.

So, I'm avoiding the phone call.

Also, why do I want to be a part of a community where it's ok to openly express bigoted and racist views? Why is this acceptable? If I heard similar comments from my coworkers, I would be outraged and probably begin to keep at arm's length those individuals making the remarks.

Yet, in the frum community, I tolerate this behavior from people I consider to be my friends. Because they're Jews.

We should know better. If we are supposed to be a light unto the nations, we should strive to be an example in this respect, as well.

Maybe, I'm just associating with the Wrong People. Maybe this doesn't happen in other frum communities.

Why am I here?

A whole week's worth of...

2005-05-26T22:45:00.000-05:00

So, it finally happened tonight. Suggestion #1 and I at last spoke on the phone. Our game of phone tag started exactly one week ago tonight.

It was good. He has a very deep voice and a delightful sense of humor. He mentioned that he lives in Boro Park. I couldn't help myself (see previous blog posting). I exploded into a tirade about how exactly disgusting Boro Park is - nothing green, everyone on top of each other, trash all over in the street. He replies in a thick Israeli accent, "What? You don't have trash in the street? Where do you live that there is no trash in the street? Go out. Go out and throw some trash in the street."

And he's an artist who loves Baroque music. I hope he's not gay.

We're talking again motzaei Shabbos. Will post results.

A short one

2005-05-19T14:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, so two guys out there now have my phone number and it ain't ringin'. I'm losing hope in my summer project and it hasn't even officially started yet! What's worse? Each day I solidify more and more in my head what I want *him* to be like - I'm worried that *he's* reached unrealistic proportions!

Steam Valve

2005-05-16T21:59:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I think I'm now dragging the bottom of the shidduch barrel.

It all started yesterday when I got another match from SYAS. The guy looked interesting and his native language was even French (bonus!). I read down through the profile, registered a slight glitch when he described his political beliefs as extreme right wing (are you surprised, M.H.?), but everything else looked good.

Finally, I reached his personal description. Quotes are his words (I cleaned up the grammar. Apparently France has gotten rid of periods, commas, and capital letters since I was last there.)

"I don't mingle with non-Jews nor do I have any intention to." Strike one. At least he's forward.

"I don't appreciate Christianity..." Strike two. It might just be me, but what a whacko thing to say in a personal description for a shidduch website.

Later in the paragraph he went into a rant about the evil of sharia law and Arabs in general (Ahem, M.H., I know what you're thinking...). Think what you want, but I maintain that these opinions have no place on the SYAS website. Strike three. (He was actually out after strike two, but I just had to keep reading to see if he got any crazier.) He by far rates as the looniest guy I've ever had suggested to me.

I'm at a loss for words. If he weren't a fellow yid, I'd consider calling the FBI and recommending they keep an eye on him. It was seriously that scary.

In other news, I got my first resuggestion today - got the profile of a guy that the ladies at SimchaLink suggested to me last year. It was a no-go then and has remained so.

Here's my turn to be discriminatory - the thing that freaked me out most about this particular guy was his attachment to Breslov. Why does chassidus = "woo-woo" in my mind? I really know almost nothing about it and my exposure to chassidus has mainly been to Lubavitch. Anyone want to help me clarify/dispel the myth? I can only speculate that it has something to do with my attachment to all things tangible. Hmm...

Freaky Thursday

2005-05-12T16:49:00.000-05:00

Today has not been a good day. I mean, it has been good in some respects - my friend in Israel called and I ran into another friend at the grocery store. But, for the most part, it hasn't been sunshine and roses.

Freaky thing #1: My pseudo-favorite student got suspended for snapping towels in the locker room, which is possibly the weirdest thing. It's not really even his m.o. to engage in any form of boyish horseplay, let alone towel-snapping. Oh well, even the good ones make bad choices here and there.

Freaky thing #2: My friend has somehow gotten locked out of his blog or forgotten his blogger ID and can't get in to update it. Anyway, he gave me his name and password and I tried logging in for him to see if I could help.

I didn't get any further than he had. I wondered if perhaps he was using the wrong login name, so I started trying all his different screennames in combination with his password (logic dictating that most people use the same password for everything).

I ended up logged into some total stranger's blog. Certainly not my friend's. I felt sort of dishonest and quickly navigated away from the page. I don't know what the charge would be - blogging and entering? Hmm.

So, I have to give credit where it's due - the comment in a previous blog - "You can sell something for $29.99, but you can't sell it for $30" - actually was from another, anonymous-yet-amazingly-talented friend. She, in turn, credits some random she went out with.

Sorry, Mottel. You shouldn't have to take the blame for everything.

Nothing new in shidduch world. I'm now up to 4 accepted matches and ZERO phone calls from SYAS (www.sawyouatsinai.com). Hopefully I'll have news soon.

Monday Update

2005-05-09T14:03:00.000-05:00

Still waiting to hear from suggestion #1. He sounds very interesting - his profile says he's an artist... Sent an email to the shadchan about this.

In the meantime, I've had two more suggestions - neither blew me away. I accepted both - we'll see.

Mr. Calvin Kleins did, in fact, decline the suggestion. Sometimes it pays to be passive aggressive.

When it rains, it pours

2005-05-05T20:45:00.000-05:00

Still waiting for Match #1 to call... In the mean time, two other suggestions have been made to me. Not sure if either is shayich, but I can't really think of a good reason to say 'no' to either one. One guy is only 26 and looks, I swear, like he should be modeling for Calvin Klein. The other guy is FFB, divorced. As pitiful as it sounds, I'm kind of waiting for them to reject the idea so I don't have to look picky.

Singles weekends - meat market or legitimate way of introducing/meeting people?

First match

2005-05-04T21:08:00.000-05:00

Got an email today from my hardworking shadchan re: a match. He is, of course, from NYC, but based on his info, he doesn't seem married to Brooklyn. Brooklyn, by the way, is mydefintion of hell on earth. I'd stay single for the rest of my life if the only other option was getting married and living in Brooklyn. There's always artificial insemination and adoption, after all.

So, now I wait for the awkward phone call. I'm horrible at these - I either come off as too aloof or we end up talking about something way beyond a first-date-acceptable topic. Ideas anyone?

Will keep you posted.

The ball is rolling

2005-05-03T21:31:00.000-05:00

Got two replies from my initial efforts to contact shadchanim - progress! One promised to do whatever she could to help and gave me the name of a woman in NY (where else?) who organizes singles weekends. I'm not excited by this prospect - it sounds like a meat market.

In any case, it's a beginning.