Dating is stressful and other Whiny Thoughts

So, I'm sitting here avoiding calling back Suggestion #1 (let's call him "the Israeli"). I'll call him eventually tonight, but why am I avoiding it? He's funny. He's smart. He listens to what I say. I have been completely real with him on the phone, so why am I avoiding?

I have no answer to this question. Dating stresses me out. I'm stuck in a limbo between wanting to be aloof about the whole thing, and being true to myself. True to myself means that I let myself get excited and worked up over the prospect that this could work - the same way I always feel when a new possibility is presented to me until I find a reason it won't.

I suppose this real me - the one who wears her heart in fine detail on her sleeve - could be viewed as foolish. Maybe this would be correct. But the real me gets burned a whole lot more often than the aloof person I'm trying to be.

So, I'm avoiding the phone call.

Also, why do I want to be a part of a community where it's ok to openly express bigoted and racist views? Why is this acceptable? If I heard similar comments from my coworkers, I would be outraged and probably begin to keep at arm's length those individuals making the remarks.

Yet, in the frum community, I tolerate this behavior from people I consider to be my friends. Because they're Jews.

We should know better. If we are supposed to be a light unto the nations, we should strive to be an example in this respect, as well.

Maybe, I'm just associating with the Wrong People. Maybe this doesn't happen in other frum communities.

Why am I here?