Massive Irritation

Yes, it wasn't good.

We met for coffee last night. Right away I could see that he had already mentally checked out of the situation.

I also felt no connection to him. Nevertheless, it hurts to be dismissed so immediately and so completely.

We were going to go out again today. When I woke up this morning, I half wanted to call him and cancel the plans. He beat me to it.

Rejection, even from someone you're not attracted to or invested in, is painful.

I've constructed a wall around myself. It used to be only knee high, but pretty soon I won't be able to see over it any more. What will I do then?

I don't know how much longer Hashem expects me to stand this before I give up and build myself a cabin in the woods miles from another human being.

So, I've spent over $200 to spend five days in a city I hate and I have nothing to show for it.

I'm so irritated. Random curse words are trying to slip past my slips, but I have no one to say them to so I'll hold them in for now.

Why? When? Who?

Maybe I'll just stay single.