Monday, February 06, 2006

Wedding Madness

Weddings are a scam.

Well, at least attempting to pay for them is a scam.

On Thursday, I went for my dress fitting. All went well, they took measurements to create sleeves and a tznius neckline, and I paid the balance on the dress itself independently of the alterations. Let me note here that the dress was Very Expensive.

When I asked for an estimate on the alterations, I was presented with a figure that was nearly half of the price of the Very Expensive dress. Now, this didn't include any material - I already paid for that. It did, however, include the cost of steaming and bustling the dress.

Perhaps I'm crazy and blissfully out-of-touch with the bridal industry, but wouldn't one assume that every dress sold needs to be bustled and steamed? Why are these extra fees? If I've already spent a Large Sum of Money, shouldn't these services be included?

On Friday, I called to put in the final order for my cake. Wedding cake is not something found at your typical frum wedding (at least not in this community), so I knew getting someone to make one that was actually tasty and pretty was going to be a hard job.

My caterer uses a kosher bakery in town whose cakes have the reputation of being dry and tasteless. I wasn't interested. So, we attempted to hire a woman in the community who is renowned for her cake-baking expertise. She initially agreed, but then thought better of the idea. Back to square one.

Someone suggested I call another caterer who had his own pastry chef to see if they would do a cake for me. I explained all the circumstances (including that we were using another caterer), but the man in the office said yes anyway.

Fast-forward to Friday. I was chatting away with the man in the office about what kind of cake, when it had to be delivered, etc. I was about to give him my credit card number when he asked if I would mind holding for a minute. Moments later, a second voice came on the line identifying himself as the owner of the catering company. Very tersely, he explained that he most certainly wouldn't do my cake and how dare I even ask him if I wasn't using his catering company. I

I was stunned.

I said, "You're bringing me to tears. There are special circumstances. Please let me explain."

He replied, "I don't care. Even if I hadn't found out about this until the day before the wedding, I would've cancelled the cake."

"I'm surprised to hear a frum person saying such a thing," I said, my voice shaking.

"Your surprise doesn't concern me," he said.

I was so enraged at this point that I told him I wouldn't give him my business anyway and I hung up on him. I'm not proud of this - I never hang up on people (well, not on purpose anyway). It's Monday morning, and I still find myself wanting to write him a scathing letter. At this point, I don't give a flick about the cake - it's my honor that has been offended.

Back to square one.

12 Comments:

At 06 February, 2006 15:43, Blogger StepIma said...

Wow -- Breathe in, breathe out.

Ate least he had the 'decency' to tell you he was cancelling on you before "the day before the wedding" ...at my wedding we nearly had the cake thrown out while I was under the chuppah because my caterer/mashgiach suddenly decided he didn't like the credentials of the baker -- even though he had her information for three months ahead of time - he just never bothered checking until then!!! Fortunately she was a longtime member of our shul and enough community members were able to make phone calls to get him all the information he wanted. And I never found out about it until months after the event... I was lucky to have an amazing coordinator and good family friends who were paying attention when it all started going wrong who were able to keep everything well under wraps, so I could have a perfect simcha. But there are quite a few pictures of my mother not looking nearly as pleased as you would think she would at her first daughter's wedding :)

I agree with rahelleah... the details aren't the important part. You've found the right person for you, which is what really matters. And you're clearly keeping your head screwed on straight to get through the jungle of annoying preparations. Don't let anyone drag you down just because they're making things difficult - they think they have you over a barrel because you're only getting married once. But you know what? There are lots of other people who sell the exact same services they do... so you don't have to put up with any garbage from anyone. You're the bride. They're just the guy on the ground holding the shoe to try on. :)

I'm new to your blog... mazal tov!

 
At 07 February, 2006 17:54, Blogger BlogBlond said...

maybe instead of the cake, the guests could just nibble on your dress- kind of a two birds with one stone thing...

 
At 14 February, 2006 10:04, Blogger AbleVaybel said...

I'm so sorry to read about this. There was no call for this kind of rudeness. Ever.

Please check with Stephanie Samuels who is the owner of Yum Cake in Chicago and see if she can help you with a kosher cake. I've known her longer than I'll admit in public and she is amazing.

Keep your sanity and focus. This can be done. We did ours on a minimal budget and kosher (dairy, non CY) and people still talk warmly of the simcha and the spread.

 
At 15 February, 2006 14:12, Blogger yeshivaguy said...

I can see the guy's point. Why should he make the special features of his service available for someone who isn't using him as the caterer?

Perhaps he should have been nicer in his manner of speech, but it's hard to fault his reasoning from a business standpoint.

 
At 15 February, 2006 16:55, Blogger yeshivaguy said...

Take it easy Schneider.

As a matter of fact, I think it's a bit of a chutzpah to ask a caterer for special favors when you're using his competition for the main job.

If this is too stressful for Sara to talk about, she wouldn't have posted it on the blog with open comments. Since she did, I feel free to express my opinion.

 
At 15 February, 2006 18:01, Blogger yeshivaguy said...

Hold on, I'll ask my wife if I'm insensitive ...


No, it's okay, she says I'm fine, so you can stop worrying.

 
At 15 February, 2006 19:48, Blogger yeshivaguy said...

Truthfully, yes, I would say the same to my wife. I would commiserate about the fellow's rude tone, but I would understand his point of view. In fact, I would discourage my wife from making such a request in the first place, b/c I think it's really out of line.

I thank you for your apology; it's very big of you.

 
At 15 February, 2006 20:11, Blogger Sarah said...

YG - thanks for assuming that I'm so chutzpadik. Just for your personal edification and so that maybe next time you'll be a little more dan l'kaf zchus, here's the entire cake story.

Wedding cake has always been my mother's thing. She loves it. It's probably the only reason she actually attends the weddings. So, when my wedding rolled around, a delicious cake was one of her top priorities.

Now, we all know that wedding cake is not such a Jewish thing and I started to think early on about who I could get to do a delicious cake. The two local bakeries make cake that is dry and generally icky. I wasn't interested. The caterer we are using gets his cakes from one of the local bakeries.

I eventually decided to ask a woman I know who bakes cakes out of her home to make me a wedding cake. She initially agreed and things proceeded. Soon after, she decided that the project was just too big for her - she had a lot going on in her personal life and wasn't sure she could devote the time necessary to the project. I understood completely, but I was now stuck. No good bakery, no nice lady. Where's a girl to go?

Someone suggested I call this other local caterer who also sells his cakes in the local stores. It is a very normal thing in the rest of the world to get your wedding cake from somewhere other than the caterer you're using for the wedding. So, I called his office. His staff said that yes, of course they'd be happy to bake me a cake and we were off to the races. Two weeks later, I called to finalize the order and that's where the blog entry picks up.

Chutzpadik? I think not. Just a kallah trying to make her mother happy by getting her a delicious wedding cake.

 
At 15 February, 2006 20:46, Blogger yeshivaguy said...

I'd agree that it's normal to get the wedding cake from someone other than the caterer, such as from a bakery, but I don't think it's the usual thing to get it from another caterer who is your caterer's competition. I can understand why the caterer might look askance at that.

I meant nothing personal; please don't take it as such. I apologize if I offended you.

 
At 16 February, 2006 09:04, Blogger yeshivaguy said...

As I said above, I agree that he should have spoken more kindly.

 
At 16 February, 2006 11:10, Blogger yeshivaguy said...

Easy to say. Not so easy to do when you feel you're being taken advantage of.

 
At 16 February, 2006 14:57, Blogger yeshivaguy said...

I don't think so, but whatever. The fact is that this guy did not think it would be good for him, and did think he was being taken advantage of, and in fact, he was being taken advantage of. So he did what most anyone would do, and refused to be made into a stooge. I think he was 100% right, but perhaps he should have talked a little nicer.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home